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Friday potpourri

September 13, 2013, 11:19 am
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Whew -- after a couple of fairly heavy posts this week, I thought I'd end on a lighter note with some completely unrelated odds and ends.

First up, I was pleased to discover that Lily Starr put up an extended trailer of our "Secret Life of the Kinky Wife" video on Spanking Tube. It's about four minutes in length and is a nice sampling of the clip. You can check it out here.

Can you stand one more photo from Shadow Lane 2013? Yes? Good.

Here I am in my Friday night happy and excited state, with Alex the Adorable:




Yes, I know there is a person in the background, off to the left. But he/she is completely unrecognizable, and I didn't want to overcrop the picture, so I left it as is.

For those of us who can't get enough of "Fifty Shades" ridicule, here's the beginning of what promises to be a hilarious chapter-by-chapter dissection of our favorite crapfest of a book. The blogger is The Pervocracy and you can read about Chapter 1 here. I love love LOVE how the author keeps replacing Christian Grey's name with outrageous fake names. (Crud Bonemeal???)

And finally -- haven't posted about weird search engine phrases for a long time, because mine have been fairly straightforward and boring. However, this one popped up recently and I'm still shaking my head over it.

Erica Scott boston boy mode

What. The. Eff???

What could this possibly mean? What does Boston have to do with anything? And I don't think I've ever been in boy mode, whatever that means. Any ideas?

A quickie update on John: He is finally wrapping up all his dental work, so he'll be able to go back to focusing on heart surgery research. He's having another extensive test at the end of this month, and he'll be able to take those results with him to another facility for a second opinion. After that, he'll decide if he wants to stick with his HMO, or wait until next year when he can switch to a PPO with his work and go to a more specialized hospital. Meanwhile, he seems to be status quo; still tired all the time, but hanging in there, spirits good. The Shadow Lane getaway was good for both of us.

Off to get stuff done so I can go hug him to bits. Have a great weekend, y'all.
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Ah, FetLife...

September 16, 2013, 9:26 pm
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... how I love you. And how you annoy the crap out of me sometimes. 

(Warning: this is one long-ass post. Pull up a comfortable chair and grab a refreshing beverage.)

FetLife -- the kinky person's Facebook. Our cyber community, where pretty much everything (except for activity with children or animals) is allowed. The place is huge and circuitous, with many places to go and many people to meet. It can be the happiest place in your world... and it can also be a viper pit.

One big adult amusement park is our FetLife. It has ups and downs like a roller coaster. One day, you'll feel like you're in the Tunnel of Love. (And no, that is not a vaginal reference. Get your minds out of the gutter.) On another day, you may feel like you stumbled into the House of Horrors.

What do I love about FetLife? So much. The support, the validation, the sense of belonging. The camaraderie and banter, the various postings that can range from silly and bratty to poignant. The tsunami of interaction before, during and after a big event. And the great potential for kindness, as I saw last week.

Earlier last week, someone tweeted a rather insensitive and insulting comment about one of my pictures, which I'd posted both on my blog and on FL. It really threw me, to say the least -- this person hit me where I live. I nearly bought into it, too; I found myself looking at the picture and saying to myself, "What was I thinking, posting this? I look horrible!" I posted what had been written to me on the FetLife version of my photo. Then I almost took it down. 

Until the reactions started flooding in. The massive amount of comments, wall posts, and even private messages, telling me I looked great, don't listen to this person, who says things like that anyway, etc. We love you, Erica. 

Wow. I left the photo in place, and thanked everyone. I was so touched. People who knew me, people who didn't know me in person... it didn't matter. They all rallied to assuage my hurt feelings.

Last week, "DrLectr" started a new group called "Nice RAK: Random Acts of Kindness." I feel like I've been the recipient of many of these. Just last night, I had logged on and was catching up on the weekend's posts. I was feeling kind of blech, but I hadn't posted anything to that effect. Then, out of nowhere, Prux posted a hug on my wall. How did she know?? That simple gesture of sweetness turned my evening around.

So yes, FetLife can be a haven and a joy. Sometimes.

Then you have posts like last Friday. You all know the ongoing controversy: "Dick pics, yes or no?" Apparently, one woman likes them, and thoroughly dislikes anyone who disagrees with her. She posted a bit of a rant, starting out by saying she's sick of seeing women bitch and whine about dick pics, and how they should shut the fuck up and stop being "inconsiderate twats."

Well. Any point she could have made for her argument was lost, as far as I was concerned, with that combative attitude. However, that post took off like a firestorm. As of this writing, it has 2922 "loves" and a whopping 951 comments.

I am not going to debate this damned subject again. I don't like it when men have dick pics as their main avatar. Why? It has nothing to do whether or not I like the appendage. I happen to like them. But not particularly the ones on random strangers. And if I friend a man on FetLife whose avatar is a dick pic, that means every time he communicates with me, or every time he posts anything, his dick is in my feed. No, thank you. So I clearly state in my profile that I'm sorry, but I will not friend men with that particular avatar. I don't introduce myself with my snatch, and I'm not interested in men introducing themselves to me in that manner. "Hi, I'm so-and-so, and this is my cock."

Anyway... I did not read all those comments, but I scanned quite a few. They were surprising. A few people had the stones to disagree with the OP (Original Poster). Others sort of agreed, but took a milder stance. But the majority of the replies? As militant and angry as the OP. "Hear, hear!" "Yeah!" "They really do need to STFU!" "Enough with the male-bashing!" (Never mind that the OP was bashing certain women, but I guess that's OK??) "I love cock!" One charming gentleman stated that the only way to handle a woman who complains about said photos is to ram a dick down her throat until all she can do is gag and drool. Oooooh, classy.

And then there was this.

Most women who are on this fetish site and state they hate looking at profiles with dick pics, do so mainly to send a message for other women that they are bisexual and interested in women.

Are you @#$%ing kidding me? There are people who actually believe this? If I'd been drinking something, I would have spewed it onto the screen. The sheer ignorance of this statement made my brain explode.

OK, I'm not going to speak for the masses, just for myself. There is nothing wrong with being bisexual, but that's one hell of an assumption, pal. Guess what? I'm straight. I happen to love men's bodies, and I love women's bodies too, even though I'm not sexually drawn to them. I do not hate dicks. I think a lover's erect penis is a beautiful thing. There, I said it. But note the lover. Not some disembodied stranger.

I like to put "loves" on many pictures on FetLife. I have loved photos of men's fit and sculpted bodies. I have also loved photos of some women's nude bodies, because I found them artistic and aesthetically pleasing. However, I have never "loved" a man's dick pic. Does that make me a prude? Or a male-basher? News flash -- I've never "loved" a twat shot, either. Or a "take a ride up Anal Alley" shot, for that matter. If I wanted to look at a#$holes all day, I'd go to medical school and study proctology.

So yes. Bodies, lovely. Genitalia? Not my thing. That doesn't make me a bad person, or a person who needs to shut the fuck up. It's not like I'm going on these people's profiles and pictures and posting, "Ewwwww, I don't want to see that." But I'm entitled to my opinion and my preferences. So you shut the fuck up, OP.

As for the bashing accusation -- saying I don't like dick pics is not male bashing. My own brand of "bashing" is unisex. I unleash my snark only when someone is rude to me or gets in my face. And it doesn't matter what gender they are. 

Yeah, FetLife. Some days, I wish I could quit you. Some days, you show me the seedy underbelly of the scene, the rotten sides of human nature. But then again, vanilla sites aren't much better when it comes to ignorance, bigotry and mean-spirited crap. And I can't find real connection on vanilla sites; people who truly get me and accept me. So I'll be sticking around good old FetLife, despite my days of disillusionment and frustration. Because the people I love on there go a long way in making up for the BS.

Oh, and to those who feel the need to post unkind remarks to people's pictures and videos, to rain on their parade? Just remember this:




Soooo, bye now. I'd say don't let the door hit you on the ass on your way out, but, truth be told, I'd enjoy seeing that. :-)
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OT: "Bad Dog!"

September 18, 2013, 12:24 pm
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Today on her Wednesday Win post, our Hermione takes a trip down the memory lane of early computers. You know, DOS? (taking a pause while those of a certain age say, "WTF is DOS?") The Microsoft Office paperclip assistant? I thought I'd piggyback on her post and add one of my favorites.

Back in the dark ages (1990s), there was a company called After Dark that made some really cool and creative screensavers. Some of them were so entertaining, you'd let your computer time out on purpose just so that you could watch them. One of the most popular ones was called "Bad Dog."

Basically, it was just a Windows screen, but then a little black-and-white dog would scamper on and wreak all kinds of havoc. He'd dig holes, bark and howl, track dirt everywhere, jump into folders and destroy them, etc. The longer the screensaver was on, the more damage he'd do. Every once in a while, a voice off-screen would scold, "Bad dog!!" Then he'd tuck his tail and whimper for a second... and then get right back into making mischief.

After Dark is out of business, which is a shame. But you can still look at the mischievous pup in this YouTube clip.





I wonder if they ever had a "Bad Kitty" counterpart. That's what John calls me. :-)
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Had to laugh

September 20, 2013, 12:22 pm
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Last night while on FetLife, I dashed off a bit of writing, very brief, describing a text conversation I'd had earlier that I found amusing. I figured it would pass into the nether regions of Fet, unseen, but this morning I logged on and found over 30 comments on it. Since it took off so unexpectedly, I thought I'd relay the story here as well, since it's been such a slow news week.

So I'm texting with a young woman whom I won't name, because I don't wish to embarrass her, but I'll just say that if you put this girl on a Cute-O-Meter, it would explode. We were chatting about giggling during spanking, and how tops seem to seize upon that as an opportunity to spank harder. She then texted me a photo of her making a sad, pouty face, and I said that I didn't see how anyone could spank her, with that face. It was that adorable.

She suggested I should try making that face myself.

"Honey," I replied, "you can pull that off, because you're 20-something and cute as a button. If I made that face, people would think I was constipated."

What can I say? It's true! There are simply certain looks one can't pull off successfully at a... er... somewhat advanced age. sigh

Such is life. Smirking was always more my style, anyway. That, and the "righteous indignation" face. :-D




(from Sarah Gregory Spanking, The Rude Innkeeper)

Speaking of age... another birthday on Sunday. Tomorrow night, birthday dinner and dessert with John; going to one of our favorite celebration restaurants, and then of course to our favorite coffeehouse, in hopes that they'll have the German chocolate cake I'm so enamored of. Steve is busy getting ready to move, but I do hope to see him Monday. What's a birthday without a spanking, right?

Have a great weekend, y'all.
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Birthday sweets and treats

September 22, 2013, 10:24 pm
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It's been a lovely birthday weekend. John did his best to make it special for me, starting with sending me birthday roses a week early, so I could enjoy them all last week before the event. Aren't they beautiful?





Last night, we went to the California Canteen, one of our favorite restaurants, where I stuffed myself with fettuccine in herb-tomato sauce with grilled vegetables. Our server was kind enough to shoot a picture for us:





And then it was on to Aroma Café, where we were very lucky -- they still had some German chocolate cake left!





Look at the size of that thing! (that's what she said) And we completely demolished it. 

Today, my actual birth date, we went to our usual brunch at the neighborhood Denny's, where I got a free birthday breakfast. I love love love Denny's pancakes -- but every now and then, the cooks are a little stingy with them, making them a lot smaller than they usually do. When that happens, I eat them anyway -- but not today! When our regular server put our plates in front of us, I took one look at those shrunken little flapjacks and blurted, "Nahhhh, they can do better than that -- it's my birthday!" LOL! I'm such a brat. Our server, who quite adores us, understood completely, whisked them away and returned with two new ones that were about twice as big. John just shook his head at me. "You sent back the pancakes??" "Come on, did you see the size of those things?" I retorted. Yes, size matters.

After I said goodbye to my beloved and came home, I had an overwhelming amount of treats in store. I went online and found dozens of emails, FetLife messages and wall posts, and even Facebook posts, all wishing me Happy Birthday. I didn't know who to thank first... my head was spinning. 

Included was my annual birthday greeting from Dave Wolfe, who never forgets me! ♥ He apologized for not creating a Wolfie Toon for me this year, but this is just as good. Some of you will recognize this still from my all-time favorite mainstream spanking scene, from Wagon Train's "The Maggie Hamilton Story" with Robert Horton (playing Flint) and Susan Oliver. Wolfie did a bit of doctoring to it, of course.





I know it's hard to read the cartoon balloons. The horses are saying, "I just LOVE this show!" and "Our man FLINT! WOOOO!" Robert is saying, "THIS'LL teach you to go around WAGGIN" YOUR TRAIN!" and I'm saying, "Oh, for Pete's sake, who wrote THAT, WOLFIE??!" Why yes, he did. Thank you, darlin'.

(If you click on the picture, you can see it larger and more clearly.)

Thanks to my John, and to everyone who remembered and cared and expressed such sweet sentiments -- you guys brought tears to my eyes. Really. 

Almost makes aging worth it. ;-)
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Birthday, to be continued

September 24, 2013, 1:49 pm
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I really, really wanted to complete my birthday with a wonderful Steve session. But I knew he was torn in several directions, trying to pack his house for a move, preparing the new place (painters, etc.), work, his daughter, and so on. Still, I hoped that maybe, just maybe, it could happen anyway.

It didn't.

However... when we spoke last night, he felt bad about it, and insisted on dropping by today, just for a short time. I said no, let's wait, you've got too much to do, I don't want to you be more stressed, I don't want to put more on your plate. "I want this on my plate," he said. So I said OK.

He turned up on my doorstep at 11:00 AM, and when I opened the door, my mouth dropped open. He was loaded down with a vase of tulips and a cake box. 

Lookit!



And look at the pretty card...


I was overwhelmed. I didn't expect any of this. I can't believe he took the time to go get these things, even when all the stuff he has going on. When I told him he didn't have to, that it could wait.

He couldn't stay long -- just long enough to catch up a bit and for us to scarf down a slice of cake apiece (Red Velvet! Yum!). No spanking. But he said that's coming. My birthday is To Be Continued, still.

Not sure when it will be, since next Monday is his actual moving day. It may be two weeks. But at least I know it is coming. That things will get back on track. That I will have my joyous connection and fulfillment, my stress release, my top, once again.

Happy me. :-)
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More spanko nostalgia

September 26, 2013, 11:57 am
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I was going through some old CDs and found one with some pictures I'd forgotten about. I posted one of them on FetLife, just for kicks, and the reaction was so positive, I thought I'd elaborate here.

The year was 2000; although I'd officially come out into the spanking scene in 1996, 2000 was the year that Erica Scott was born, and I did my first video. My co-star was Alexandria Panos, another newbie, who subsequently formed her own video production company, which she called Impressions. Besides the videos, she also made t-shirts, tank tops and panties with spanky phrases on them.

That summer, she asked me if I would do a photo shoot with our friend, the very talented Andrew Morgan, modeling some of the shirts and panties for her site. Of course I said yes, and we set it up so that Andy and I could shoot at a house where we were attending a party. It was an outdoor shoot, on a clear sunny day, in a beautiful back yard with a pool, palm trees and lots of greenery.

Mind you, this was my first experience with professional photography, and I was no fashion model. Granted, I know there's a lot more to photography than meets the eye. I was once told that for every one good shot, there's about 25 bad ones. And I'm fully aware that before Photoshop, there was airbrushing. Still, models seem to have an instinct about playing to the camera -- a tilt of the head, a thrust of the hip, just the right amount of smile. When I am relaxed and natural, I can take some very nice pictures. But if I'm trying too hard to be "model-y/pose-y," I can come off looking stiff and fake. So I admit, I struggled a bit with this shoot, fun as it was. However, Andy was patient with me and we coaxed some good shots out of me.

Here's the one I posted on FetLife.




I like the illusion that I'm not wearing any panties, even though I am. People seem to think the hair thing is sexy. However, I keep hearing my mother: "Get your hair out of your face!" LOL

This one, which I think you guys have seen before, might be my favorite. It's pure Erica Attitude. 




Or maybe I was just ticked off because my butt was up against a rough palm tree.

I like the "sunlight in her hair" effect of this one:




A different approach, shot from below. 




This one would be a favorite, if it weren't for that shirt. If you peer closely, you will see that it reads: "Good Girls Need Spanking's Too."

Goddammit. The plural of spanking is spankings. S-P-A-N-K-I-N-G-S. No @#$%ing apostrophe. Stop putting @#$% apostrophes in plurals!!

OK, grammar lesson over.

I know what you're thinking. Oh fine, Erica -- you're only showing the ones you like. How about sharing a couple you weren't too crazy about? All right, all right.

This one seems to be a perfect example of that fake-y "model-y/pose-y" thing I was talking about:




What the hell is up with that finger?? Was I going for cute and coy? Or simply attempting to dislodge a stubborn popcorn kernel?

And here's one where I took the shirt a bit too literally. Nooooo, I don't think this look does me any favors, either:




Gaaaaaaa! Keep that tongue in your face, Erica. Unless you're licking an ice-cream cone. Or licking....

...

...

...

...said ice cream off your upper lip. (What did you think I was going to say?? Perverts.)

Good times. For those who are wondering, I haven't had any communication with Alexandria for many years. The last I heard, she had dropped out of the video scene, gotten married and moved back east. I hope she is well and happy.

Funny thing -- I got to keep both the tank tops. I still have them, tucked away in a drawer. But I never wore them again. Maybe I should pull that "Naughty Girl" one out sometime. :-)
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Can I just say...

September 29, 2013, 10:12 pm
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...that if I don't engage in some really intense spanking play soon, I'm going to explode into a gazillion tiny pieces?

(sigh) The end to this spanking exile is on the horizon. Steve is moving tomorrow. After that, it's done. All the packing and prepping and arranging and hassles will be behind him. He'll still have to settle in, but there won't be any rush. It will be time to celebrate. 

To get back to normal. I must be patient just a little while longer.

Reading about all the playing and the upcoming parties on FetLife isn't helping. Perhaps I need to stay away for a while. (Yeah, right. Ms. FetLife addict is going to stay away from there.) It's kind of like being put on a sugar-free diet and then constantly staring into bakery windows.

I need that fix. I need that pain and pleasure and release. That special connection with my top. Soon. So soon. Good things come to those who wait. Think of how delicious it's going to be...

Meanwhile, last Friday, John was at a Kaiser outpatient clinic, getting a transesophageal echocardiogram (TEE, for short). In short, they sedated him and put a tube down his throat so they could closely examine the back of his heart. It took about an hour-and-a-half and I waited there so I could take him home afterward. We had both expected him to be out of it and uncomfortable after it was over, but he was fine. He even wanted to go out to dinner, when I had been prepared to pick up some soup or something for him. Next, he has to get the results on a CD, so he can take them to another doctor for a second opinion; that will take a couple of weeks. And so it goes. Next weekend is his birthday; ours are 13 days apart. It's been a stressful time, so I think celebration is due for him as well, now that that test is behind him. 

Onward. Hope everyone had a great weekend, and hope you had a wonderful birthday, Bonnie! :-)
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Dear Real Life...

October 1, 2013, 12:10 pm
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... YOU SUCK!!!!

No, don't worry. Nothing has happened. I'm just frustrated and in a MOOD, and need to blow it off. 

Fun is needed. Play is needed. Distraction is needed. Balance is needed. Because there's just too much real life I'm sick of, at the moment.

I'm sick of hearing about a dysfunctional government run by a bunch of babies, and being at their mercy. I'm sick of having too many friends living too far away. I'm sick of not having enough money to go be with said friends. I'm sick of worrying endlessly about the man I love more than anything in the world, because what will be, will be, and all my worrying helps nothing. I'm sick of wondering when I'll get my next job project. I'm sick of all the "what-ifs" that swarm in my head during times like these. (No, I'm not going to list them. That would give them too much validity.)

I'm sick of ME -- of how my well-being so often depends on externals. It annoys the hell out of me that all I need to snap me out of this maelstrom is a damn good spanking and all will be well with the world again. How screwed up is that?? I'm sick of how I need attention. It's tedious.

Yeah, I know. I have a lot to be grateful for and I'm whining. Don't lecture me. I know what I'm doing. Instead of stuffing down my feelings (along with half a jar of crunchy peanut butter, or too much chocolate, or whatever else would be my drug of choice), I'm admitting where I am today. You lucky people.  

Fortunately, I am meeting a friend this afternoon, so I will have an hour or two of fun and distraction. It's a gal pal, so there won't be spanking. But there will be frozen yogurt. With crumbled brownie topping, dammit. And chocolate sauce. And nuts. Fuck calories. I'm burning them up right now with all my stewing.

I guess now is the part where I wind down with some sort of bromide about how this too will pass? Meh. Forget it. I'm just in a rotten mood today. 
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Round Table Discussion: Role-Playing

October 3, 2013, 8:00 pm
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Renee Rose kindly invited me to join the Spanking Romance Review Round Table this time. The topic is role-playing, and it was left open as to how we wanted to write about it. I chose to relate a couple of real-life experiences I've had with role-play.

Several other bloggers have joined in this conversation. To see their contributions, check them out here: 




So, here goes.

One would think that because I’ve done videos for the past 13 years, I would be well-versed in role-playing. It’s true in part; I have played a few elaborate roles for films, including a Puritan widow, a saloon owner in the Old West, a psychotherapist, various men’s wives. But for the most part, even in video, I’m usually playing an exaggerated version of myself.

In general, I’d have to say that I’m not that much into role-playing in my personal life. I have no interest in costumes, or in inhabiting a character who isn’t really me. I had to do role-plays with strangers when I worked in a dungeon years ago, and I found them to be awkward and contrived. However, if I know someone well and have that elusive chemistry with them, and can suspend my disbelief and just go with the scenario, a role-play can be extremely delicious indeed.

I have two favorite stories that illustrate the hot side of role-play. The first one happened several years ago, when I had a spanking play partner who was a college professor. He suggested we do a scene where I was a college student and he was my professor, and he’d caught me cheating on a final exam. So I had a choice: take a spanking from him, or he’d report me to the Dean. Formulaic, right? Of course. But it turned out to be one of the most intense scenes I’d ever done.

For one thing, he was completely believable, because he was largely playing himself. And for another, while the “take a spanking or else” formula may be well used, we put a creative spin on it. He gave me a long, hard spanking. First with his hand while I was OTK, and then he bent me over the back of my recliner and whaled on me with a leather paddle until he could sense that I’d had enough. And then, after some corner time, I turned the tables on him -- during aftercare, I seduced him.

Wait a minute -- Erica Scott in corner time?? Yes, really. It’s not my thing, but he made it very sexy. Instead of just leaving me standing there, he’d sneak up behind me, whisper in my ear, pull away, whisper in the other ear. He’d command me to stay still and quiet, threaten me with what he’d do to me next time if he ever caught me cheating again. And when he finally let me out of the corner and had me get lotion, I could feel the power shifting. He was now catering to me, soothing me, and I chose to press the advantage. After all, why would my professor go to all this trouble to comfort me after a punishment, if he weren’t secretly attracted to me?

As I lay over his lap, feeling him knead lotion into my sore bottom, I teased him, goaded him into admitting his attraction. Of course, he didn’t really have to admit it, since I could feel the evidence, hard and insistent, under me. He argued and denied, told me he thought I was a very naughty girl. “You think, you think,” I taunted. “Don’t you ever want to just shut off your head and feel?” “What should I feel?” he asked. “Me,” I replied.

Clothes were fully removed then, and I completed the seduction of my professor, reveling in his vulnerability and release as I gave him my full oral attention. “Are you going to blackmail me now?” he gasped. “Are you going to report me to the Dean?”

“Of course not,” I assured him. “Why would I? I’m just a brat, not malicious. Besides, I can see that I’m going to need more of your counseling in the future.”

“Yes, I believe you are,” he agreed.

Damn, that was fun.

The second story is from 2011 (to all those who already read about this in my blog when it happened, my apologies!). I’d been playing for about six months with a man I referred to as ST. We got together every week in my apartment and we’d forged a trusting relationship. He knew just when he could push my limits a little, but also when it was time to stop. I felt completely safe with him.

Cut to a day when I was perusing FetLife and happened upon a photo from a local man’s profile. It was a professional video shot, for a company that produced various kidnap/abduction clips. In the photo, the handsome (but very sinister-looking) man had a woman in his grasp, with one hand clamped firmly over her mouth. Her eyes, staring at the camera, were wide with terror.

I’d never had any sort of “damsel in distress” fantasies before. But I could not stop staring at that picture.

Finally, I copied and pasted it into my blog, and mused about how hot it would be if a suave intruder broke into my apartment, restrained me and had his way with me. Not with rape, though -- with spanking. “Don’t be afraid, honey,” he’d purr. “It’s only going to hurt for about an hour.” Then he’d hold me down (or tie me up) and force me to take a spanking, until he was good and ready to leave. Consensual non-consent at its finest. Yum.

Blogging about it kind of got it out of my system and I forgot about it -- until ST showed up on Monday. When I opened the door, I smiled and reached out for him, ready to greet him with a big hug as I usually did. He did not smile in return, and he shrugged off my arms. Then he grabbed my hair and steered me into the bedroom. Shocked into speechlessness (yeah, I know...huh? Erica, speechless?), I stumbled along with him.

Wordlessly, he pushed me facedown onto the bed, and before I knew it, he was tying my hands together behind my back. Finally speaking to me, he leaned down and hissed, “Did you really think you could post something like that on your blog and no one would get ideas?”

OK. I knew what was going on here. He was giving me my fantasy. My heart pounded. Somewhere deep within my head, I knew I was perfectly safe. But he was so convincing, and I lost myself in the moment. The fear was an illusion; I knew this wasn’t real, but right now, it felt real.

I stammered a bit, and his fist tightened in my hair. “Did you?”

“I don’t know!” I blurted. “I couldn’t help it! That picture just… sorta did something to me.”

“Yeah, well, now I’m going to do something to you.”  Oh. My. Freaking. GOD.

He pulled off my clothes from the waist down, then tied my ankles together. The spanking that followed was fierce; hard and fast, no warm-up. But my adrenaline and endorphins were soaring so high, I barely registered the pain.

And then the implements came out of his bag. He brushed them against me, taunting me. “Are you scared?” he asked. “Yes,” I murmured. “Good. You should be. Be careful what you wish for.”

Oh, he was good. I couldn’t believe how menacing he could be.  I was scared, and so incredibly aroused.

When he began to strike me with the strap, I whimpered, “Please…” “Please what?” he said, snapping it down again. And again. “Please… don’t hurt me!” I blurted.

“But I want to hurt you,” he hissed in my ear. And then he did. Repeatedly, with several implements. I writhed and moaned and squirmed, but could barely move. I was powerless and at his mercy.

Finally, he paused. “I like hurting you,” he mused. “And you like it too. Don’t you!”

Even as I wept, I nodded my head vigorously. He then finished me off with ten hard paddle strokes, which he made me count out loud.

Then, as quickly as it had begun, it ended. The cruel stranger disappeared, and ST was back, untying me, soothing me, holding me close. He lifted my face to look at him, so I could see his gentle smile. It took a while before my crying and trembling abated. And then, when I could finally speak, my first words were, “Oh, my God… that… that was soooo fucking HOT!!” He laughed. Said he thought so too.

I had been tied up before, but I’d never had it sprung on me like that. It surprised and delighted me how quickly I was able to snap into the role of “spanking victim” and just ride with it. As I’d mentioned before, I couldn’t do this with just anyone. I trusted ST deeply. In our nearly two years of play, he pushed me to the edge several times. But he never let me tumble off the cliff.

But wait, there’s one more twist to this story. The man whose picture I had been perving? Long story shortened, I ended up meeting and befriending him. And several months later, I once again got to act out my fantasy scene. With him. On film. This time, I got to be the woman with the terrified eyes.




Sometimes, I really do like my life. :-)


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Reunited and it hurts so good

October 15, 2013, 10:15 pm
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Yes, I'm still alive. I just took a break. Didn't want to make a big dramatic exit out of it; I simply got sick to death of my own gloom and sadness, and figured I'd come back when I had something good to post. Something fun. 

Steve is back. It wasn't just the move; there were a lot of other things going on with him too, all at once. I could not fault him for not being able to play; that was frustrating and disappointing, but I understood. But what sent me over the edge was when he completely disappeared, didn't return messages or texts. I cannot stand disappearing acts. I just can't. He thought that if he couldn't be a strong top for me, he should stay away and not contact me until he could pull things together. Now he knows, that was the worst thing he could have done. 

We talked for a long time when he arrived this morning. He had already apologized to me many times; both verbally and in writing. I knew he felt bad. But my trust, my feelings of emotional safety, had taken a hit. Time would heal me, but I did need time. Fortunately, he got that.

Amazing how my skin marked so easily after weeks without a full and proper scene. I was mottled just from his warm-up hand spanking, but it didn't feel too painful. I welcomed the sensations, having missed them for so long. Then we moved to the ottoman, and to implements. 

They hurt. And I broke down, almost immediately. All the hurt and pain and sense of loss I'd been carrying around came flooding out on torrents of tears. I was crying so hard, he cut the scene short to take care of me.




Taking me to my room, he wrapped me up in the comforter and took me in his arms, where I wept for I don't know how long. It just went on and on; I couldn't stop. He whispered sweet words, gave me more apologies, promised he would never disappear like that again, encouraged me to let it all out. I did.

I was exhausted after that. But, unlike all the crying of the past few weeks, this storm of tears left me clean and at peace. After a while, I was even able to giggle and tease, making him jump by sticking my cold feet on his leg.

He was able to stay for six hours, a nice long time. Despite my marks, I found myself wanting to play again, but this time in a more lighthearted vein. So we went back to the couch, put on his camera and recorded this bit of silliness. Hope you guys like it. (Warning: if you don't like extreme redness, you might want to pass on this.)



Yeah, I know. Back to that "Top is always right" crap again. :-) But believe me... that was just for the video. His apology to me was more than sincere.

We are back on track. And I'm back where I belong.




To those who emailed me, sent me private tweets, messaged me on FetLife and posted on my wall, texted me -- thank you. When you're in the pits, it's good to know that people care. ♥ And for all those who posted on that last blog, the one I took down, I copied all your comments and pasted them into a document so I could keep them. I don't usually remove blog posts, but that one was just too personal, too much information, too much everything. I figured if I was going to go away for a while, I didn't want to disappear leaving such a sour note.

Tonight, I am so tired I could croak, my eyes are swollen, and I'm sore as hell. And I'm completely at peace. I'm ready to rejoin the living... after I sleep for about 12 hours.
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Helpful Comments 101

October 17, 2013, 10:41 pm
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I swear, there needs to be a course on this for some people. Because so many out there wouldn't know how to say something properly empathetic if the words appeared on a teleprompter in front of them.

Mind you, I'm really, really appreciative of the kind things people said to me when I was stressed out and unhappy. Yes, I know I was dealing with "first-world problems" -- no one died, no one was hurt or sick, there wasn't a natural disaster, etc. But I was still hurting. For those who said stuff like, "I'm sorry you feel bad," or "I hope you get to see Steve soon" or "hang in there, things will get better," etc., or just sent a virtual hug, thank you. :-)

But a few others... oy. Some of the stuff people wrote to me in the last few weeks would have made me laugh out loud if I hadn't been so damn depressed.

So, as a public service, here are a few suggestions of things not to say when a spanko is missing her special top:

1. "I'd spank you if I lived closer."

First -- well, you don't, so that solves nothing. And second -- if I actually know you and have played with you, thanks. But if we've never even met in person, that's kinda presumptuous of you.

2. "You could have spankers lining up outside your door if you wanted."

Uh... no, not really, although I'm flattered that you think so. But why on earth would I want that, anyway? Haven't I said umpteen times that I prefer quality over quantity? I'd rather have one Rolex than a dozen Timexes.

3. "I'd be happy to be his substitute for a while."

Did I ask for a substitute? No, I did not. You know why? Because I don't want a freaking substitute. Once again, the implication is that tops/spankers are interchangeable and generic, and one will do just as well as another. Perhaps for some, but not for me. If I'm craving lobster, I'm not going to be happy with canned tuna. There's nothing wrong with canned tuna, and maybe I'll get some basic nutritional value out of it, but I sure as hell won't enjoy or savor it.

Yeah, I know. I use a lot of metaphors. I'll stop now.

My personal favorite:

4. "Too bad you don't switch. You could spank me and get rid of some of that tension."

Really? This is supposed to be helpful how, exactly? And since you're going for the ridiculous, use some imagination next time. Maybe something like, "Too bad the moon isn't made of cheese. We could all fly up there and have a big fondue party."

Yes, the Queen of Snark has returned. Miss me? 

My butt and upper thighs look like I was hit by a bus. They feel like it, too. It's most fortunate that I like that sort of thing, huh?




Looking forward to tomorrow night with my sweetie. Have a great weekend, y'all. :-)




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"Toppy Knows Best"??

October 21, 2013, 11:08 pm
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No, I'm not stating that as fact. I'm repeating something that actually came out of Steve's face today. If I hadn't already been horizontal, I would have keeled over laughing.

We are definitely back in gear, kids. Today was delicious, even with an unexpected interruption.

As always, we had a nice long hand spanking on the couch, one that practically put me in subspace on its own. During that portion of our scene, his phone rang, but he ignored it. While I was resting before Round 2, he checked messages. Turned out he had to deal with something right now.

I watched him switch gears, go from Top mode to Responsible Adult mode, making calls, dealing with the issue that had come up, sending emails, making more calls. Every now and then, he'd look over at me and mouth, "I'm sorry." What could I say? Life stuff doesn't take a break just because we want to escape from the world for a few hours. 

This went on for about a half-hour, and I figured, oh well. There won't be any Round 2 after all. He'll be too preoccupied, the mood is lost, he'll be stressed, etc. At least we got to play some, if not all we wanted. I tried hard to swallow my disappointment.

When he finished with his final call, he sighed, rubbed his eyes, put his glasses back on and straightened, glancing at me. His brow had unfurrowed. "Ready for the ottoman?" he asked.

Huh?? "You up for that?" I said, incredulous. "Sure, are you?" Well, duh, of course I was. "I've taken care of everything I can for now, except you. Your turn." 

Feeling my enthusiasm bubbling up again, I settled myself in position on the ottoman while he went to get two toys: my leather paddle and that @#$%ing Licking Stick. Damn, I hate that thing. But I was so happy that we were going to play some more, I didn't even mind that. Much. And I didn't even feel like bratting him. Much.

"Are you getting what you need?" he asked. "I need you!" I gasped, flinching from the implements and welcoming them at the same time. "You've got me," he assured. "I'm right here, taking care of you." 

No tears today, either. I was too blissed out. Oh, and during Round 2? His phone rang again. Twice. I kept waiting for him to stop and answer it. But he didn't. ♥

We did have our silly moments, of course. Most of them after the scene was over. His aftercare today including biting. Yes, you read correctly.

"I just want to bite that bottom," he mused. "You know, I think I will!" 

And he freaking well did. Those circles are his teeth!!



Look close; see my hand turned up, like I'm saying "WTF are you doing?" :-D


"Put those legs down..."





Me, being a ham and striking poses...





(No, he didn't spank me in that pose. And no, he didn't spank me with my remote control. Just that damned stick and the paddle.)

All good things must come to an end, though, and at last I had to get to my feet.




He couldn't linger this time, but it was OK. He stayed long enough to hold me and let me come down. I'd gotten what I needed, and he'd gotten his own stress release. Win-win. :-)

The biting thing? Welllllllll, I've always liked a little nibbling. And just this past weekend, John referred to me playfully as his "chew toy."





(Yes, that's his artwork on my neck.)

Prize of the day goes to a FetLife commenter, regarding the bites on my butt. "He's obviously not on a glute-free diet!"

Glute-free! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Happy Monday...
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Creative punishment???

October 23, 2013, 2:35 pm
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This post was inspired by something a friend put up on FetLife a few weeks ago: A list of "non-impact punishments." In other words, for those who love spanking and other impact play so much that it can't be considered disciplinary, these are alternatives.

We've all heard of these. Some of the more familiar non-impact punishments are writing lines, corner time, grounding/withdrawing privileges, soap in the mouth, figging (shudder). Mind you, I'm not into the punishment thing. I like the pretense of it, but I know I'm not kidding anyone; I love spanking and everything to do with it, not true punishment. Just the idea of some of these things really pisses me off! Anyone who comes near me with a bar of soap will be blowing bubbles out their ass. Bedtime?? Bite me. And if you even think about using that ginger for anything except that yummy chicken/snow pea stir-fry, you're history.

However, I had to giggle at the creativity of my friend's list. A lot of it was tongue-in-cheek, with suggestions like "wet willies" and "take away one of her shoes and make her walk around for a while." But one in particular brought back a hilarious memory.

"Have them learn a song and sing it in front of you (or in front of like-minded friends."

(Some of you have heard this story before; I believe I posted it way back on my old MSN forum. My apologies.)

A few years back, I was playing with a rather creative top, who (besides being a formidable spanker who could make me say "mercy" with his hand alone) had some very persuasive methods of getting his way. As a result, he and I often engaged in a public battle of wills on my message board. The payback for my pranks was intense, but always worth it.

Very long story short, because of a comment someone else made to him about being a "weenie," his nickname on my forum became "wiener boy." Or "Oscar Mayer." I (and a couple of other women on the forum) tormented him with this. I even found a photo of a pair of men's briefs, decorated with little hot dogs, and posted it, claiming that's what he wore. (I tried to find that photo again but couldn't, dammit.) He swore vengeance, but I just laughed.

Cut to the upcoming Shadow Lane party. A couple of weeks prior, I got an email from him, entitled Instructions. Opening it, I discovered there was an attachment, along with directions. I was to learn this song by heart, and sing it to him at the party. When I opened the attachment, I damn near died.

It was the lyrics to the "Oscar Mayer Wiener" theme song.

In Spanish. Holy frijoles.

He went on to say that I wouldn't have to sing it in front of anyone else, just him in private, but he'd be spanking me the whole time, so I'd better damn well learn it correctly.

"What happens if I don't?" I typed in my reply email.

His terse response: "You won't like it."

Ugh. I wasn't about to test him. I knew how hard he could play. So I printed out those stupid lyrics and practiced them, over and over until I had them committed to memory. Still, I brought the sheet with me to Shadow Lane so I could refer to them, just to be sure. I had John test me. Of course, he thought this was hysterical.

My friend kept his word about not making me sing it publicly, and on Sunday night (after I stewed about it all weekend), he had me come to his room. He set me up over his lap on the bed, surrounded by implements, and started spanking. "OK, let's hear it," he commanded.

Mind you, it was the end of a party weekend, and I was sore as hell. It was very difficult to recall -- let alone sing -- that damn song with pain exploding across every brain cell. But sing it I did. Without muffing a single word.

"I'm impressed!" he marveled, pausing in his flurries. "That was perfect! I almost hate to keep punishing you, since you did that so well."

Of course, the key word was almost.

"Sorry, this needs to go on a bit longer," he then said, starting up again. "Sing something else. Sing a Beatles song." He knew that was my favorite band, as it was his as well.

Thought he had me there, the big jerk! But I showed him. A Beatles song, huh? OK. He didn't specify which one, so I chose "Her Majesty." Which just happens to be 30 seconds long.



As I sputtered out "gottagetabellyfullofwine," I'm sure it was even shorter than 30 seconds.

He laughed. He'd been had, and he knew it. So he stopped. In my state of extreme soreness, I was deeply grateful for his good sportsmanship. :-D

(And the joke was on him, double -- anyone who has to listen to me sing is the one being punished!!)

Anyone else have any stories of extra creative spankings/punishments?
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Hi-ho, hi-ho, it's off to hell we go

October 25, 2013, 11:45 am
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Happy Friday, kids. This is sorta off-topic, but funny. One of my friends posted it on Facebook, of all places, and I shared it there, so I thought I might as well do so here too.

Apparently, pretty much anything and everything is a sign of demonic possession these days, according to the fundies.





I didn't even know what roughly a third of this sh*t is. I had to Google Freemasonry, Rosicrucianism, and Backmasking. The latter is playing records backward (the old-fashioned LPs) to hear hidden messages. Damn. I remember my brother and his pals playing Beatles records backwards in the 1960s. I guess they were all in need of an exorcist.

I suppose I can see where they're coming from with some of these, like Wicca and Voodoo. Church of Satan pretty much spells it out. But come on... Vegetarianism? The Devil eats tofu! And WTF is Remote Viewing, anyway?

Yoga? Really? And what's wrong with Earth Worship? What are we supposed to worship, Uranus?

Halloween is demonic? Why stop there? Why not claim Christmas is evil, too? After all, Santa is an anagram for Satan.

OK, I already knew the Twilight films were evil. Or maybe they're just @#$%ing stupid.

Here's what's interesting to me: Nowhere on this list is anything that can be connected to kink. One would think at least Sadomasochism would be included. So, all those people who tell us we're going to hell for being spankos and BDSMers? NYAHHHH!

Another fun tidbit I read recently -- we're not supposed to say "LOL" anymore, either. Why? Isn't it an initialism for the fun and innocent "Laughing Out Loud"? Nay! It stands for "Lucifer Our Lord"! 

My head hurts. All the real evil being perpetrated out there in the world, and these morons are worried about people reading a freaking comic book or playing a game of D&D. Scary, really. But I won't go any further with that.

According to this list, I'm a pretty good girl. I've never been to a rave, I couldn't care less about Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings, and I don't read palms, I just feel them. I'm scared to death of fire, so I'm certainly not going to walk in it. I haven't smoked "marihuana" since I was 24, so the statute of limitations on my possession has run out.

But alas, I have been known to engage in fornication. (sigh) Fine, bring on Father Karras. My head may be spinning around, but at least there's a big ol' smile on my face. :-)

Have a great weekend, y'all.
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On the table

October 28, 2013, 10:34 pm
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What's on the table? Books? Bills? Dinner? No. ME. I'M on the table. Or at least I was, earlier today.




It all started when our original plans fell through. We thought it would be fun to drive down PCH and find a secluded strip of beach, then shoot a scene inside Steve's ginormous vehicle. However, the temperature went from 80s over the weekend to low 60s and rainy today, so we scrapped that idea. While discussing a theme for today and trying to come up with something different and fresh, he playfully suggested that we include a political debate.

"No way!" I snapped. "No politics. Politics is off the table."

"OK, so I'll put you on the table," he snapped back. And by God, he did.

He said he had a surprise for me, one that would involve my good memory. (uh oh) Once the camera started rolling, he asked me to recall, over the past year and three months, a good selection of the smart-ass, disrespectful, sarcastic comments I've made to him. And of course, I had to dig up and remember these comments while he was whaling away on me with all those implements you see on the couch.

I like to say that I think fast off my feet. But this was a curve ball, today. My mind went blank. @#$%&!!!! Oh, I managed to come up with a selection of good cracks. Like how I make fun of his repetitive phrases, or how he's always late. But as the swats mounted up, my mind got mushier and mushier. And he knew it too, the rat.

Oh, he had wayyyyyyy too damn much fun with this scene today.

"Only 'cause I love you," he teased, showing my panties to the camera. "It's all about the love."

Yeah, yeah, yeah, What-freaking-ever.




When I reminded him of the time that he said he was going to give me a million swats and I'd said he couldn't count that high, he said, "Hey! Let's do that count today!" AAAAGGGHHHH. Fortunately, he took pity on me after the count of 80. That was plenty, considering that count began after a good few hundred had already landed.

OK, OK, so I sorta liked it. But don't tell anyone. Actually, I feel so good, I've almost forgotten that I'm getting a root canal tomorrow. grumble

By the way, we did shoot a two-part video with this scene. I put the clips up on FetLife, but if you guys want me to post them here, please let me know. If there's enough interest, I'll put them up on YouTube and then link them here.

What're YOU lookin' at? :-Þ
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And now, a tender love song (Erica style)

October 30, 2013, 12:20 pm
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Been a long time since I did a song parody, hasn't it? And I know what some of you are thinking. "Erica, why do you always choose old songs to parody?" Well, duh. Because I'm old! Whaddaya want from me?

But come on, everyone knows Beatles songs. Today's selection is "If I Fell," featured on the A Hard Day's Night soundtrack. Here is the proper version, complete with lyrics. If you haven't heard this before, enjoy. If nothing else, take a moment to fully appreciate what beautiful harmonies John and Paul made.





And while you listen, replace their lyrics with mine. Come on, sing along!

If I fell across your lap
Would you grab a heavy strap
And spank me, understand
‘Cause I’ve gotten spanked before
And I found that it was more,
Than just slappy hands

If I give my bum to you
You must be firm
Don’t just give me some,
Give all, until I moan and squirm

If I trust in you, oh please
Just tan my hide
If I sass you too, oh please
Don’t spare my pride at all
‘Cause I’ll always want the pain
And I would be sad if my new top, couldn’t cane

So I hope you’ll see
That I would love to brat you
And that I will cry
When you learn what to do
‘Cause I’m gonna make a fuss
And I will be mad if my new top, is a wuss

So I hope you’ll see
That I would love your paddle
And that I will cry
When you start spanking me
If I fell across your knee

I'd apologize to Mr. Lennon, but I suspect he just might have liked this version. :-)

In other news, I had my root canal yesterday. The good news is, I was in the best of hands. This endodontist has over 20 years of doing just that -- root canals, and nothing else. He could do the most complicated ones in his sleep. The bad news? He doesn't take my insurance plan, so I had to pay full price. The good news? He was able to save the existing crown, so I don't have to redo that. The bad news? When he got into the tooth, he discovered that in two of the branches, the nerves were dead (expected), but in the third branch, the nerves and tissue were still alive and inflamed (not expected). And when he poked into that, I damn near shot through the ceiling. He had to give me two more shots. Not fun.

I have to go back next Tuesday to finish the procedure. But, as he put it, "no more surprises." 

I really don't feel like going to the gym today. Can someone please convince me that my body isn't going to fall apart into a cellulite-riddled heap if I skip today?
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New blog from a favorite person

November 3, 2013, 10:26 pm
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I don't think anyone could be involved in spanking and not know who the adorable Pixie is. She has been behind the scenes for the past few years, due to health issues, and has been sorely missed! She never stopped working for Punished Brats, and faithfully kept up her Spanking Pixie blog as often as she could.

Well, she is on the rebound from illness, getting her strength back, and rediscovering her love of all things spanking. So, while Spanking Pixie will still exist, it will be mostly about PB updates. Now, for all things Pixie -- spanking and her life in general -- she has created Amber Pixie Wells. I have already linked to her; won't you do the same? I do love this girl; always have. :-) Let's give her a warm welcome back into the swing of things.





That's my big news for the weekend. I still have a godawful toothache and can't chew on my left side. That did not stop me, however, from enjoying some Halloween candy. I simply chewed it on the right side. :-) Also, one doesn't need much tooth power for Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. On Tuesday afternoon, I'm due at the endodontist for the second part of the root canal. Hopefully after that, I'll be done, or close to it. 

At least I'll be going to the procedure in blissful mode; I'm seeing Steve Tuesday morning instead of tomorrow. Perhaps I won't need quite as much anesthetic this time.

Right.

A bit of forewarning, kids: It is now officially the Holiday Season. The bitching and Grinchiness will soon commence. John and I went to his local mall this past weekend, for possibly the last time until January. The malls are a No-Erica zone during the months of November and December. Fortunately, we managed to buy him over $200 worth of new clothes, so we won't have any need to go back there! I have not heard a Christmas carol yet, but I know that will happen any day now. I'm just sayin'... look out.

Hope everyone had a good weekend. :-)
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Oh, the horror

November 5, 2013, 7:49 pm
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You will not believe what Steve made me do today.

OK, maybe you will. That [heavily censored] made me sing!!

So, remember last week, when I posted my Beatles song parody? (For those who missed it, it's here.) You know, he gets busy and doesn't read my blog for days. Figures he read that one! This morning when he showed up, he had the lyrics I'd written printed out on a sheet of paper, which he gleefully handed to me and said I was going to sing for him. On video.

Oh, good Christ.

"I can't sing!" I protested. "Noooo! You can't make me torture everyone with my horrible voice!"

Apparently, he begged to differ. He added that we'd have to enhance the video with the implements I mention in the lyrics (strap, cane, paddle). Damn, that man is evil.

OK, OK, I'm a good sport. I figured all right, fine, bring it on.




At the last minute, he decided to switch out the Lexan paddle for the wooden one. Whatever.

So, without any further ado, here is our MTV (My Top Video) production. And if you think my singing sucks, take it up with Steve. He made me do it.





We have too much fun, don't we? :-D

In the continuing root canal saga, I went for my second appointment today, which was supposed to be the final one. But then, mid procedure, my @#$%ing crown popped off. It didn't break, fortunately, so he was able to cement it back on. But he had to stop what he was doing. So now I have to go back yet again next week so he can finish. UGH. Oh, well. At least I already paid for it, so that pain is over with!

I just wish my bottom hurt worse than my tooth, and not the other way around. (sigh)
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"What are you thinking?"

November 7, 2013, 12:48 pm
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Anyone who has played with me, or knows even a little about me, knows that I am not a quiet bottom. But I'm not talking about the obvious (my big sassy mouth and all that comes out of it). I mean my sounds. The sounds I make when I'm beyond talking, when I'm getting into the zone.

When that absolutely perfect strike happens, when everything comes together (the right spot, the right sound, the right amount of impact), I have been known to let out something that's a combination of a groan, a moan and a howl. It's pure pain and pleasure interwoven. And even though my top doesn't get to see my face, it looks something like this:




(The above is not a posed photo, it's a screen capture from one of our videos. So that is a very real face.)

Steve is fascinated by this sound. "What are you thinking about when you do that? What's going through your mind?" he asks.

I can't answer. I say I don't know.

"You're the writer! You have the words for everything!" he protests.

Perhaps. But I can't really articulate what I'm thinking at that moment. Because I'm not thinking. I'm purely feeling. For once, I'm completely out of my head and all is visceral. That sound comes from deep within my gut, not from my brain.

It's kind of like trying to describe what you're thinking when you're having an orgasm. Because you're not thinking. Well, I'm not, anyway. I'm thoroughly surrendering to the rush of feeling, riding the pleasure waves. 

Can any of you describe what you're thinking during a spanking, when you've gotten to the point where your mind shuts off, when the nattering and protesting and traffic cease and you've gone to a different place? Or are you like me, simply feeling, with no words to adequately describe your state of being?

I can use adjectives, like the well-worn "intense." But I cannot for the life of me articulate where the moan comes from. 
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