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Channel: Erica Scott: Life, Love & Spanking
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Vimeo blows!

August 1, 2013, 3:26 pm
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As y'all know, I was having trouble directly posting my little videos on here; Blogger kept giving me error messages, and wouldn't explain why. So I attempted to find a host for the videos, from which I could post direct links.

I did Spanking Tube for a while, but they are a hassle. They take forever to load, even longer to appear, and then you're subject to all the ratings and critiques, which I don't like. So I joined Vimeo and uploaded eight of my videos there, then linking them here in past blogs. I wanted to make my account private, but then discovered that if I did that, then the video link wouldn't work -- people would just get a notice that they have to get my permission to view it. Well, duh, if I post it on my own blog, doesn't it stand to reason that I'm granting permission? Meh. So I made my account public.

Guess what. Today I just got email from them, saying my account has been cancelled. No warning, just poof. 

Dear Erica Scott:
Your account has been removed by the Vimeo Staff for violating our Guidelines.
Reason: Uploading videos that contain pornography or sexually explicit material.

Puritanical bastards! So now in my older blogs, where there were once videos, there is now a little sign, reading: "Sorry, this video does not exist." Screw you, Vimeo. They do too exist. 

Perhaps I'll try Blogger's "Insert Video" function again; maybe they've fixed the glitch by now. If not, then any suggestions for a free site where I can upload videos and not be censored?

Dear Vimeo: So, I'm too pornographic for you? Would Disney imagery be more up your alley? OK, here ya go.
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Bit of a rant: Predators

August 2, 2013, 12:51 pm
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No, I'm not talking about child molesters. I'm not talking about people in the scene who troll for vulnerable newbies and try to exploit them.

I'm talking about women in the scene who want what another woman has, and endeavor to take it away. Not share it, but usurp it completely.

I know a lot of my readers won't necessarily relate to this post, because they play with their spouses/mates only and don't have the added complication of other partners. But for those who do, I'm sure something in this will resonate.

I've lost count of how many play partners I've lost over the years, because women came into their lives who didn't want them to have any sort of involvement with me. And every time this happened, it didn't exactly work wonders for my already fragile self-esteem -- I felt completely dispensable. I've had the same experience with John and femdoms. I know he enjoys bottoming, and I certainly can't do that for him, so I'm happy to share him with a woman who can. But it's never enough -- they don't want to share him. They want to take him away from me. One of them nearly succeeded. Nearly. Fortunately, we worked past that, and she's history. I never met her, but if I did, I'd bitch-slap her all the way to the moon. She actually had the nerve to say to John, "I'm so pissed off that you chose Erica over me."

You know what? I'm fucking sick of it. 

What set this off? A woman on FetLife, who met Steve at a play party and then proceeded to launch herself at him, was all over him like white on rice on Fet, so obviously trying to lay claim to him. She certainly didn't make any attempt to befriend me, even though she knew Steve and I are play partners. I don't want to delve into the details, but let's just say it was ridiculously obvious what she wanted.

And last week, I went off the deep end, emotionally. I felt threatened. Not because he played with her; I don't care about that. I don't own him, and he is far too good a top to keep all to myself. It was because I thought I'd lose him to her. She's into way more than I am, kink-wise, and I thought he'd find her more interesting, more stimulating, more everything. And she was so clearly playing that up. The show on FetLife was, I really do believe, for my benefit. And it worked.

But I underestimated Steve. I forgot about his loyalty to our partnership, to me. I forgot that he has told me, time and again, that any woman who enters his life will have to accept my presence in it as well.

(Only one other play partner has said that to me, in all these years, and that was Danny, bless his heart. And I didn't lose him to another woman; I lost him because he had to move away. It wasn't personal.)

We talked it out last Monday; I hadn't acted out on any of my feelings, thank goodness, but had kept them all inside until they swelled like a malignant tumor. I know I was ridiculous, but dammit, this had happened to me too many times. He reassured me, sweetly and firmly. That was when I wept copious tears and welcomed the pain. It delivered me from that miserable insecure place.

Anyway -- some of you ladies out there, and you know who you are -- learn how to share, OK? Learn how to play nice. If this woman had played nice with me, we could be buddies now, giggling about Steve and how he says "there you go" every five seconds. ;-) But no. She had to go the predatory route and enter a competition with me. Well, she chose the wrong man this time. He may play with her, but she can't touch what he has with me. Today, she posted yet another picture of their play, mentioning his name not once, but twice in the caption. ("Look, look, look who I'm playing with!") I just laughed. Knock yourself out, sweet cheeks.

Be forewarned. I'm not going to be a passive, weepy rejectee anymore. You screw with me and this kitty is going to scratch. Me-OWWWWWW.





Have a great weekend, y'all.
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A blast from the (recent) past

August 6, 2013, 1:51 pm
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I look at the various spanking photo blogs on a regular basis, just to keep up with what's circulating out there. Oftentimes I see the same pictures posted and reposted, but sometimes I see something fun and new. As one would expect, I enjoy the photos best when they're of someone I know.

Recently, I've noticed a lot of photos floating around of former spanking starlet Sierra Salem. She wasn't in the scene more than three years or so, but she made quite a splash while she was here, and I had many fun times with her. I miss her, and feel nostalgic when I come across her pictures.

Not sure what company this is from -- Firm Hand, perhaps? -- but that's Ralph Marvell doing the honors. Look at that beautiful girl! You could get lost in her eyes.



When I first met her at a small house party, she had just turned 18, and she was so shy, she could barely look at me. But her curiosity and desire won over her shyness, and soon she broke into the video scene with Shadow Lane's Prep School Punishments (one of my favorites of theirs, BTW). 

Sierra was beautiful and had a lovely, lithe dancer's body -- and she had absolutely no clue about how stunning she looked. She was bright, funny, and very fragile. Compliments made her joyously happy. Mean-spirited comments crushed her.

In 2005, she and I traveled together back East twice (in June, and again in September) to work for Spanking Epics. I got to spend a lot of time with her, as well as shoot with her (and yes, share a bed with her -- queen-sized, you pervs -- in one of the hotels we stayed in). Of all the fun stuff we did, I think I enjoyed our final scene together the most. On Sunday night after three days of shooting, when we were having a bit of a wrap party, she playfully challenged me to a "spank-off." One thing led to another, the cameras and other equipment (which had all been put away) were broken out once again, and we shot the completely impromptu Great American Spank-Off, with Keith Jones and Steve Fuller. 

Here she is, challenging me:




When she was still living here in So. CA, she had a 21st birthday party, sharing it with Samantha Woodley (they have the same birth date; Samantha is two years older). I was lucky enough to attend, and got my absolute favorite picture of the two of us. For whatever reason, that child loved to lie on the floor, on the pavement... Me? Not so much! But I did it for the birthday girl.




Shortly thereafter, she moved away, and left the industry.

People still ask me sometimes what became of her. I can tell you this much -- she is now 27, and she and I are still in touch on Facebook (under her real name). Sometimes I will comment on or "Like" one of her pictures/posts, and she will do the same with me. And if you think she was a pretty young girl, you should see her now. Some of the pictures she posts take my breath away. She should have been a model -- not just for spanking, but mainstream.

She used to call me her big sister (which was damn generous of her, considering I was old enough to be her mother). :-) I miss you, little sis!




In other news, more people to miss -- the good folks of Alpine Sierra Studios (home of Spanking Court, Sternwood Academy and Spanking Ms. Cali). Cali and Heinz have been extremely busy with their primary business and realized they simply didn't have the time to devote to keeping up A.S.S., so reluctantly, they have decided to close it down. The site is still up; I'm not sure when it will disappear.

What a bummer! Back in February, Cali had mentioned to me that Sternwood Academy was considering hiring a "naughty secretary" (yours truly), and I was so looking forward to that, but now it isn't to be. But at least I was fortunate enough to work with Spanking Court in 2011, and I have many very fond memories from there. What a great group of people. And of course, co-starring with the lovely Dana Kane and the Court Disciplinarian was delicious.




Ah well... onward. Shadow Lane in a few weeks; more new memories-to-be for my treasure trove. 

No Steve this week. He's vacationing in Hawaii. I miss him, too... but he'll be back. :-)
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Come on, caveman...

August 7, 2013, 12:48 pm
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Spank me, hold me down, fist my hair. Show me your power.

I am in a Mood today. Not sure why; maybe because I am missing my weekly spanking fix with Steve, or because I'm getting excited about Shadow Lane, or because I'm working on something unbearably dull and my mind is wandering. But today, I'm pondering about how, sometimes, I like it just a little rough.

Specifically? I love the hair grab. There's just something so damn raw and primal about it.



I know I've talked about this before, but once again, I need to be clear -- I'm not talking about the hair pull. The kind that really hurts, where the hair feels like it's being yanked out. I still remember one woman from years ago, who had been abused in past relationships, telling me that she wore her hair in a pixie cut because she got tired of "having her hair used as a weapon." That made me shudder. No, I'm not talking about that.

I'm talking about when the man buries his hand in my hair, as if to caress it, and then tightens his fist around it. Just enough to catch my attention. Just enough to sting a little, but not horribly so. A hurts-so-good sting.

And when it's combined with spanking, oh my gawd.




Not sure where this photo is from; I got it off a Google search. But yeah, I like this. A lot.

A spanker who does this commands my attention. Granted, I do not want a stranger doing it. But when it comes from a trusted top, one who normally has a gentle and kind nature, this bit of caveman tactic really stops me in my tracks. 

Keep still and be quiet, Erica. I'm in charge here.

This is an oldie, but every time I look at it, I remember how much I loved playing and working with Steve Fuller. Yet another person I miss! (From Shadow Lane's The Spanking Professor.)




Does this resonate with any of you, readers? Sometimes, it's the toughness during the scene that makes the tenderness afterward so very sweet.

Just a little something dancing through my mind on a Wednesday, while struggling to proofread a manual on research methods. Oh yeah, I can really go concentrate on that now...
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A little video experiment

August 9, 2013, 12:48 pm
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OK, so y'all know I got kicked off of Vimeo. I was forced to make my videos public there, because if I made them private, no one would be allowed to view the link without my permission. Of course, someone must have seen them and complained, and poof.

The lovely Beth suggested that I try YouTube. I assumed that would be impossible, since they're so mainstream, but she told me that they have an option called "Unlisted," wherein it's not public, but anyone can view the link if I embed it. So I am trying that now. 

Just a quickie of Steve and me from the "boot camp" session, when he laid down the first two swats to get the imprints. With a bit of "topping from the bottom" from yours truly. :-)


Hope this will work and solve my video issues! Thanks, Beth. :-)
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"That's Mr. Jackass to You"

August 12, 2013, 10:53 pm
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Yes, he's back. :-D

So, so happy to see him today, after he was in Hawaii on vacation. We didn't even come close to playing for about an hour-and-a-half; I wanted to hear all about his trip. He and his daughter and their friends did it all -- hiking, snorkeling, surfing, swimming, sight-seeing, nice dinners. He took tons of pictures, but didn't have them organized yet. He wanted to hear about my two weeks as well, but I didn't have anything nearly as exciting to tell.

We've settled into a pattern now -- we start with a long OTK spanking with his hand, take a little break, and then go into the portion with implements and pictures and so forth. The first portion is our private connection; I'm actually rather quiet, except for my moans and sighs and whimpers. When he had a wonderful rhythm going and I was really into it, and he paused, I couldn't even muster the words, "Don't stop, please." Instead, I vigorously wiggled my bottom, and he read my body language perfectly, continuing with the same pace and ramping it up a little. And he even grabbed my hair a bit at one point. Yum. :-)

But then it was time for some reckoning. I'd had the audacity to correct him when he used "she and I" improperly. He used it as the object, not the subject, which means it should have been "her and me." One of my many grammatical peeves. You know, you'd think people would want to speak correctly. Apparently not.

Uh oh... I'm in for it...




I didn't help my case when he was futzing with the blackout shade, trying to raise it to let some light in for the camera. He kept tugging on it and it wouldn't go up, so I said, "It's not rocket science." "Go ahead, keep it up," he grumbling, yanking on it again and finally making it go up. "Yay!" I crowed. "Today, we managed a shade." He glared at me. "Yeah... a shade of RED." 

The video camera misfired a couple of times, but then we were able to get two nice long clips. The first one was more playful, loaded with banter (and my insults) and a lot of vigorous walloping from him. The second one was a little calmer, as I was reaching my limit and was straddling that fine line between feeling pleasure and discomfort. When it was all over, he commanded, "Don't move," and went to get my lotion. Then he gave me a delicious massage -- feet, legs, arms, back. I think I was quite done after that, don't you?





And now, because I can (thank you, YouTube), I'm sharing the first of the two videos. Watch it and you'll understand the title of this blog. :-)

EDIT: Sorry about the video being private before. I had the setting screwed up. It's fixed now!



He stayed for another hour or so, letting me come down. I missed this. I know it was only two weeks, but they felt more like months sometimes. Our sessions feed my soul. For a few hours, I'm transported, and when I come back, I'm refreshed and rejuvenated. He says he is, too.

For those of you on FetLife, I posted the other video there. 

Oh, and it seems that the "butt measles" have become a permanent condition. This is just from his hand!





He said that the markings on my right cheek form an arrow, pointing to you-know-where. I told him to dream on.

Happy, happy me. ♥
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The "P" word

August 14, 2013, 1:01 pm
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You know the one. P-u-.... No, not that one, for heaven's sake.

The other one. Punish. And all its forms (punishment, punished, etc.). 

Damned if I understand why, but that word gives me goosebumps. We all have our buzz words, and of course for most of us, "spank" is one of them. For a lot of others (myself included), "bottom" is another. Punish is definitely high on my personal buzz list.

Replace "whip" with "belt" and I'm so there:




And while I can't stand action films, I admit my heart skipped a beat when I heard about the movie "The Punisher." Especially after finding out the hero was played by the devastatingly hunky Thomas Jane.




Oh yes, Thomas. Punish me. Please.

What is it about that word? I don't know; just one of those weird wiring things. But because I'm so drawn to it, I tend to remember all kinds of random instances where I heard it. And recalling them gives me the same shivers as they did then.

Some of my readers from way back when may remember my adventures with my aerobics instructor (who later became my personal trainer). Years ago, I was in one of his classes; he had done something or another that was rigorous with a lot of twisting, and my lower back didn't like it. So when we were lying flat and stretching, I surreptitiously reached down and kneaded the sore spot a bit with my fingers. How he saw that in a class packed with about 30 bodies, I don't know, but he called out, "Erica, did those twists tweak your back?" I grimaced and nodded, and then he said:

"Awww, I'm sorry, honey! I didn't mean to hurt you. I just wanted to punish you a little!" 

And this was before he knew anything about my proclivities. I wonder if he saw me blush from hairline to toenail.

Cut to a scene I was in once, with a relatively new play partner. I was still in that insecure stage where I didn't want to say no to too many things, so I pretended to like a particular implement, when in truth I was scared of it. When he pulled it out in the middle of the scene, I involuntarily flinched and went rigid. He saw that, and questioned me about it. I then confessed how I really felt about it.

I heard a *plunk*. "You hear that?" he asked. "It's back in my bag, and you will never see it again." I sighed with relief. "But," he continued, "now I'm going to have to punish you for not being honest with me."

Oh, just scrape me off the walls and the floor...

You know how sometimes it's squirmy and embarrassing to speak our buzz words aloud? I've finally reached the point where it doesn't make me turn fifteen shades of purple to say the word "spank." But the P word still makes me choke a bit. Which is why what happened a couple of weeks ago startled me.

It was after I'd had my little meltdown over the predatory woman on FetLife so clearly competing with me over Steve. He and I had talked it out and I was OK again, but now feeling a bit sheepish over how off the wall I'd gone, and he knew it. So we addressed that during part of our scene. And I heard these words come out of my smart-ass mouth:

"I deserve to be punished for doubting you."

I cannot believe I said that. If someone had told me I would voluntarily utter that phrase, I would have laughed in their face. Someone would have to coerce (read: beat) those words out of me. But I spoke them of my own volition. 

I guess that's true submission, when someone as contrary and controlling as I am can reach that point. And he knew. "You won't do that again, will you," he said. "No, no, I promise." The connection at that moment was pure and whole and so, so tight.

Amazing what the right words can do, with the right people, the right chemistry. When it all comes together.

Any other "P" word lovers out there? Do share.

Now that I've gotten myself all hot and bothered, I need to go... pay some bills. (sigh) Oh, and find a new dentist. Reality sucks sometimes!
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Stupid @#$%ing Google/Gmail/YouTube

August 15, 2013, 12:35 pm
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You know, kids, things really shouldn't have to be so damned complicated.

As y'all know, in the ongoing effort to post videos on here, I signed for a YouTube channel. Because I was trying to keep it as private as possible, I wanted to choose a user name other than Erica Scott, and I certainly didn't want to use my real name. So just for the hell of it, I chose a hybrid of my first and middle name, and called myself Elouise Scott on YouTube.

Guess what. Turns out that YouTube, Google and gmail are all interlinked. So now, my Google profile and my gmail name suddenly became Elouise as well. I didn't even realize it had happened, until a friend emailed me and said, "Who's Elouise?"

I went back and forth, back and forth, between YouTube and Google, trying to figure this mess out and how to change my username. Well, it turns out that I can't. As far as I could figure out after an hour, all I could do was create another gmail address, and relink my blog to that, which I did. Then I tried to figure out how to transfer everything from the old gmail address to the new one, and delete the original. Turns out I can't do that either; it's my primary email address and I'm stuck with it. All I can do is reroute everyone to the new one.

Like I said, it shouldn't be so damned complicated. So, folks, make a note: the email associated with this blog is now ericascottlls@gmail.com. Your comments will automatically be sent there, but if you want to email me directly with anything blog-related, you can use this new address. A lot of you still have my old AOL address, and that's still valid as well. Just forget about erica.scott.blog@gmail.com. It still exists, but I'm trying to phase it out.

And while I'm in a whingy sort of a mood, and speaking of comments... Where the hell is everyone?? I know you're out there. I see my stats. But barely anyone is stopping by to say hello or drop a comment anymore.

I know it's summertime; I know people are busy with stuff and life goes on. But still... I posted a video on FetLife on Tuesday, and so far it's gotten 27 comments and 104 Loves. Posted one here -- barely a whimper. What gives, guys? I miss you.

You're going to have me thinking you don't love me anymore. :-(




Meh. I need Shadow Lane. Big time.
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New video, and the age-old question

August 20, 2013, 11:59 am
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The last of the four clips I shot with Lily Starr and Robert Wolf is out! It's called "The Secret Life of the Kinky Wife"; Robert and I play husband and wife, married for just under a year, and I have kept my spanking fetish a secret from him. One night, he catches me in a lie -- instead of being on a Girls' Night Out, I'm actually meeting with my play partner of 10 years. Robert discovers my stash of spanking toys and magazines, and the videos and photos on my computer, and confronts me when I get home.




I am really proud of this film. Aside from the general plot plus a couple of key lines, Robert and I completely winged it, playing off each other and our combined knowledge of the scene, instinctively covering many of the points that would arise in a situation like this. He is understandably hurt and upset with me, and I'm desperately trying to explain to him that it's not what he thinks, that this is a part of myself that I kept hidden because I was afraid he'd judge and reject me.

And of course, there's plenty of hot spanking too, since he decides to give me a lot more of what I've already gotten that night from my playmate.




There is plenty of discussion throughout, covering salient points such as technique, warm-up and aftercare, and not spanking in anger. As the scene progresses, Robert slowly comes around to understanding, and I realize I've done him an injustice and apologize sincerely.




It's a nice length too -- 20 minutes. To read more, go here.

And so, the question persists: Just what does one do in this type of situation, where one half of a partnership is kinked and the other is not? How do you tell your mate? Do you tell your mate? Granted, our little scenario had a good outcome, but reality isn't always that tidy.

I'm not going to ask the question, "Can you convert a vanilla partner?" I already know my opinion about that, and my answer is no, not really. I believe an open-minded partner can learn to please the kinked one, or at least accept what they do and let them fulfill it elsewhere. But unless someone has the kink themselves, has that wiring, knows that urge and need, I don't believe they'll ever fully understand. They get kudos for trying, for going through the motions, but it won't be the same as playing with another fully wired kinko. Just my opinion; yours may vary.

My question is: Do you know of others who have been in this situation? Have you yourself? What did you choose to do about it? And did it work for you, or the people you know? Everyone has a different story to tell.

Thoughts, please.

Oh, and in case you're wondering, no Steve this week. His son is visiting and he's extremely busy with work and with home issues.

You know, I am very happy my top has a full life. I love that he's a caring father, a responsible worker, etc. -- all things I admire in a man. So is it terrible of me to say that sometimes I wish he had just a teeny bit less of a life? (sigh) I feel so disconnected when I don't get to see him. When we spoke on Friday, he said, "Thank you for being so understanding." Really, what else would I do? Pitch a fit? Demand his time? That would make me a pretty damn sucky play partner, more stress than fun, and I don't want that. So I deal. But I'm still sad. Can't help it.

One day at a time. He'll be back.
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OT: Revisiting an old friend

August 22, 2013, 12:03 pm
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Who remembers the cartoon character "Ziggy"? The short, bald, pants-less, lovable loser with mournful yet humorous outlooks on life?





Ziggy was around for about 40 years, so he had a lot of mileage in the comic world. Reading him in my most depressed years, I related to him often. Of the hundreds of panels I read, one stands out in my memory. I tried to find it online but could not, so I'll describe it. It was very simple, one of his "observation" cartoons where he's just standing there and talking to the reader. In this one, he was saying:

"Maybe people who need people really aren't the luckiest people in the world."

(For those too young to know the reference, it's a play on an old Barbra Streisand song, with the lyric "People who need people are the luckiest people in the world.")

Today, I am revisiting that sentiment. 

I like to think of myself as a fairly strong person, self-sufficient, independent. I love many, and some love me. Love is a good thing. In my darkest days, I used to believe that I'd be safest if I kept myself reserved and apart from others, because to love was to be wounded. The lyric from Simon & Garfunkel's "I Am A Rock" spoke to me: "If I never loved, I never would have cried."

I accept love in my life now. But what I still can't stand is my neediness.

I don't like needing others. Loving and enjoying people is one thing; life is rather colorless without that, and it feeds my soul in ways I never dreamed imaginable. But as soon as I start to need, then I am in trouble. Then I lay myself bare for hurt, for pain, for insecurity, for loss.

Neediness strips away my armor, my layers of protection, and leaves me tender and vulnerable. Neediness reduces me from a strong woman to a gullible little kid, desperate and hungry and willing to believe anything I hear. I become ridiculously hypersensitive and weepy, craving attention like a spoiled child.

If I need someone, they can let me down and hurt me. If I rely on someone else other than myself, they will let me down. Not because they are bad people, but it's simply human nature. No matter what the songs, the poems and the romance novels say, no human being can always be there for another. Even those who love us most will hurt us sometime. And the haters will smell vulnerability and weakness and swoop in like vultures.

When I get into a needy place, then I'm focused outward. This is lethal for a depressive like me. Because then I am giving others power over my serenity, my happiness and peace of mind. When I'm feeling needy, rather than look to someone else to fill up that gaping hole, I must fill it for myself, from within, from my own strength. As long as I am outwardly focused, I will render myself powerless and vulnerable to disappointment and hurt, which then starts the downward spiral into depression for me. Not good.

Powerless over people, places and things. The only thing I can change is myself, and the way I deal with things. 

For today, I am going to remove the outward focus and the neediness, and bolster myself from within. Today, I will nurture my inner Ziggy and be kind to me. No, I'm not a loser like he was. But there will always be a part of me who relates to that little guy.
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An open letter to those who find me threatening

August 25, 2013, 10:11 pm
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OK, kids. You know the story. You've heard me lament about it a bazillion times over the years -- losing my beloved tops/spanking partners when they become involved with women who do not accept my existence. It didn't just happen with ST last year; overall, it's happened about half a dozen times. I've always had things I wished I could say to these women, the ones who find me oh-so threatening, but I never had the chance. Now, you may recall I have yet another who wishes I could be banished from my top's life. Or from the planet, for good measure. (read here)

Granted, it seems that Steve isn't going to roll over and allow another to dictate with whom he can or cannot play. However, this is getting tiresome nonetheless. So I thought perhaps it was time to craft a form letter, so every time this happens, I could simply whip it out, change the name and have my say. Here goes my rough draft.

"Dear [insert name here],

I don't need to introduce myself; you already know who I am. [Insert name] and I have been spanking partners for [insert amount of time] now, and he and I share a special friendship and bond. However, I really can't understand why you find my presence in his life to be such a threat. I am not his girlfriend, I am not his lover. I have my own boyfriend of many years whom I love very much. Your resentment of me is quite baseless, for many reasons:

1. I am possibly the least threatening female you will ever meet. I have no desire to take what doesn't belong to me, or to ruin anyone's relationship. I only wish to keep what I have -- my spanking friend and trusted confidante.

2. The odds are that I'm older than you. And, since we've been chosen by the same man (for different reasons), chances are my looks/figure/intelligence/what-have-you are on a par with yours. In other words, I am not some femme fatale out to steal your man.

3. There are females out there who dislike other women and have no regard for their feelings. I am hardly one of those. I love my girlfriends and am very loyal to them, and I have never endeavored to be the type of woman whom other women hate. If you would be friendly with me instead of adversarial, I would be very solicitous of your concerns.

And now, [insert name], here's the part where I'm going to get just a wee bit bitchy, mmmkay? Ready?

You get to see him nearly any day you wish. You are interwoven with his life; you will meet his friends, his family, his kids if he has any. You can go anywhere with him in public, and if you are kinked as well, you can attend scene events with him, as well as all the everyday vanilla events too. You can spend entire weekends with him, go away with him. And last, but certainly not least, you get to have sex with him.

Me? I get to see him for a couple of hours, one day a week. Sometimes not even that often; many things can interfere with our session time, including work, family issues, holidays, illness, etc. He spanks me, soothes me, and then he leaves until the next time. Not much to ask for, really. And yet, you would begrudge me even this, because you can't stand to have him give anything to anyone else but you.

Shame on you. And how sad. Beneath my hurt and bewilderment, I can almost feel sorry for you. Because living with that degree of insecurity has to be pretty damned unpleasant.

But take heart, dear. Not all of the time, mind you, but much of the time, of the two of us, I am the most dispensable. So I offer you this bit of advice; be as charming and pleasant as you can be. Save your true colors for later; don't go all jealous psycho-bitch on him until after I've been dispatched and am out of the picture. That way, he'll probably figure he might as well stick around, since his options have been eliminated. Oh, and make damn sure that your sexual skills are superlative. You're gonna need them. :-)

Sincerely yours,
Erica Scott"

What do y'all think? Chances are, I'll end up deleting this. But it sure felt damn good to write it. :-D
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Indispensable

August 26, 2013, 10:37 pm
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I wasn't sure how Steve was going to feel about last night's post, but when he arrived today, he told me he liked it. I asked him if he wanted me to remove it, and he said not at all. However, there was one part he didn't like -- hated, really. The part where I said I was dispensable.

We talked for a long time. But then talking time was over.

"Are you ready for me to spank complete awareness and understanding into you that you are not dispensable?" he asked. I shuddered, but said yes.

"I need you to know this. I need to show you."

And he did. Most emphatically. 

After it was over, he held me until the trembling and the tears subsided. I didn't think I'd ever stop crying.

But you know what? I think I've shed my last tear for a while. :-)

Indispensable. I am, dammit. He is, too.

We are.

And that's all she wrote. Here's what he wrote:




Guess I had my pre-Shadow Lane warm-up, huh?

Funny side note: Two weeks ago when Steve came over after his vacation, he walked in and then said, "Oh, damn. I brought you a box of these awesome cookies from Hawaii, but I forgot to bring them." No problem, I said; just bring them next time.

He didn't make it last week, and when he came in today, he sheepishly handed me a small Baggie and said, "I finally remembered to bring you those great cookies from Hawaii... but I ended up eating most of them."

LOL! Look at this -- he left me a whopping four cookies!!


Aren't they cute; they're shaped like little pineapples!

Oh well, it's the thought that counts.

♥ you, my top.
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Shadow Lane, here we come!

August 29, 2013, 11:26 am
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Tomorrow morning, that is. Today, there is still much to do. In the middle of doing laundry, getting my hair cut in an hour. Picking up the rental car this afternoon. And packing. So much packing.

Always a challenge for these events. You'd think I was going away for three weeks instead of three days. But you know, outfits are important. Not to mention panties. Lots and lots and lots of panties.

I have many. This is one drawer of two, and it's missing several pairs that in the wash right now. Sometimes, I think I should just dump the drawers into my suitcase and be done with it.



But that would be silly. Right? Of course... (sigh)

So I will pick and choose. And of course, then there are the remaining lingerie items, the dresses, the skirts, the shorts, the tops, the PJs, the shoes, the makeup, the hair products, the... oh, hell. The women know what I'm talking about. The men are rolling their eyes.

I never quite relax until we arrive at the Suncoast. The ride to Vegas has much potential for disaster, since the I-15 route going there is rated one of the top 10 most dangerous highways in the U.S. You can imagine how comforted I was when I saw that on TV last week! But so far, we've made it every time. That little voice that keeps saying "Maybe this will be the time that we won't" seriously needs to #$%& off.

I had mentioned this on FetLife a week or so ago -- while I always look forward to the play, I find that this time, I'm looking forward far more to simply seeing all our friends, to the hugs, to the laughs, to the closeness and camaraderie. Loners don't get much of that. Can't wait to see all the dear familiar faces, plus will be meeting a bunch of new ones too. I do hope people will forgive me if I'm frazzled. I'll settle down after a day or so; I just get so overwhelmed with all there is to do in so little time.

Plus, I have reasons to be extra excited this time. I didn't mention this until now, because I was so afraid I'd jinx it somehow. But I am doing not one, but two shoots during this party weekend.

The first one will be a fun quickie clip with BratKaye of Amateur Spankings. We met her at the "50 Freaks" party last February and she is an absolute hoot, and she asked if we could shoot a little something together. The spanker will be the gentleman who runs the site (don't know if I can use his name, so I won't). We'll do this on Saturday late morning, before lunch.

The second one -- are you ready? Drum roll, please. On Sunday afternoon, John and I will be heading to the home of the one and only Dana Kane, where I'll be shooting a scene with her partner, the handsome gentleman formerly known as the Court Disciplinarian for Spanking Court. To my knowledge, this is the first time Dana has shot any M/F content for her site, so I am truly honored. Plus I am sooo jazzed to see them both again -- it's been nearly two years, and now that SC has gone dark, there's no chance of any reunions in that venue. Oh, and I finally get to meet all her kitties! Dana has a wickedly good idea for a scenario and I think this will be lots of fun. 

But of course, more for Erica to stress about! "Ack! I need to get plenty of sleep so I won't have raccoon eyes on camera!" "Ugh! What if I get marked before the shoots?" "Eeek! What if I'm too sore?" Oh, shut up.

I will simply have to pace myself, and tell people I'm not down for my heaviest play (until Sunday night, when all bets are off). And make sure I get my Zzzzz's.

It's been a crazy, crazy time with John the past few weeks. He bought a second property (a condo) and it's been an insane time of mortgage arrangements, loan approvals, property inspections, dickering with the seller for repairs, shopping for furniture, endless emails and calls with his broker, etc. The heart issue has been put on hold because he has to resolve all his dental issues before any of that can take place. Yesterday, the poor dear had a tooth pulled. I was freaked out, worried that it would make his weekend miserable, but he got two opinions and both said that he'd be OK. It was a particularly bad tooth, which had been crowned and then had a root canal, so there were no nerves left and there wasn't much tooth left either. So fingers crossed that he won't be feeling any discomfort this weekend. He called me last night and said he felt fine. All the papers are signed and all the i's dotted and t's crossed, so we are free and clear to head out of town. (whew)

All right then. I won't be blogging during the party, but I will check in with email and comments and what-have-you often with my phone. I promise I will have the usual report(s) when I come back! Have a happy, safe and fun holiday weekend, y'all.
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Shadow Lane 2013!

September 3, 2013, 2:57 pm
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I meant to start with this last night, but as timing would have it, my free (and not very efficient) photo editing software decided to stop working. As I had a mess of pictures to crop/resize/etc., this was not pleasing. It was suggested that I uninstall/reinstall the software, which was a good idea, but then I decided, oh, screw it. I'll pay a bit to have something better. So I signed up for PicMonkey, which is only $33 a year, and their editing capabilities are fabulous! I think I will learn some new tricks there.

Anyway... enough stalling. My head is exploding with memories and I need to start getting them down before they fade.

It was a great weekend. A blur of a weekend. About 230 people, a mix of familiar, dear faces and some wonderful new ones. We arrived on Friday afternoon, got checked in and lugged about a week's worth of stuff to our room. There was a suite party going on at 4:00, but it was a themed party with costumes, and I didn't think we'd be a good fit straggling in with our rumpled drive-to-Vegas clothes. Plus, I needed to decompress from the drive. So we decided to start the party with the vendor fair. Late start, considering so many had already been there at least a day (some more than that), but oh well. We would make up for lost time.

This party had a great feel -- I sensed it from the minute we walked in. The energy was palpable. Waiting in line to check in, we were greeted by JerseyJohn, Joe and Ten, and Sean and AmyAmyAmy. And as I got to the head of the line, an adorable little critter came bounding out of the ballroom and launched herself at me into a big hug -- it was Prux, whom I hadn't met in person yet, but we were friends on FetLife and I thought she was the cutest thing. She's even cuter in person. :-)

The next couple of hours are a blur of greetings and hugs and shrieks of delight. As always, I felt like I was being rude, because I'd no sooner start to talk with someone than another would be at my side, and I was constantly turning and diverting attention and flitting and trying to be about three people at once. So I do hope everyone understood! If I start to list names of everyone I greeted, I'll surely leave some people out, and that would suck as well. But I do have to mention a couple.

I was delighted to see Beth, because I had a little gift for her. That girl is crazy about unicorns, and a month or so ago, I had been shopping at Target and espied a small, very cute, turquoise stuffed unicorn in the toy department when I was looking for jigsaw puzzles. Thinking of Beth, I couldn't resist snatching it up and buying it for her. So it was such fun to see her face when she opened the gift bag. :-D

On FetLife, there is a gentleman who calls himself KinkyCoach. He and I had never met and hadn't friended each other, but I was aware of him, because he posts a lot of what I call "food porn." He is apparently quite the cook, and he loves to post magazine-quality pictures of his culinary creations so everyone can drool and moan about them. I had looked at his photos, but there were none of him, and when I saw all the food, I thought, "I bet this guy weighs about 300 pounds." So I was delightfully surprised when a tall, handsome and fit man with spiky silver-gray hair approached me and introduced himself as KinkyCoach! Not quite what I'd imagined! :-D 

A couple of pictures were taken: Princess Kelley took one of us, but hasn't sent it to me yet (hint hint, Kelley!), and Alex Reynolds took a cute one and texted it to my cell, but for whatever reason, I can't transfer it off my phone and onto the computer so I can upload it. @#$%! Waiting for her to email it to me.

EDIT: Got the picture of Kelley and me! Yay! Happy girls!




It wasn't long before I was thrown under the bus for the first time. Dear, sweet Famous Kat came up to me, holding one of those utterly wretched "Lickin' Sticks" that the good folks at SSNY make and sell. It looks sort of like a wooden ruler, but it's thicker and all the edges are rounded, and it BITES. She was looking to sell it, and asked me if I wanted it. "Hell, no!" I blurted. She then grinned at me and said, "I'm selling it to John." "You are not," I snapped. "Yeah, I think I will," she insisted. "Don't you dare!" I warned her. But damned if she didn't march herself over to where he was sitting, and sweet-talk him into buying that damn thing off her. "You're DEAD!" I hollered across the room, but all she did was flash me that @#$%-eating grin of hers, as she did for the rest of the weekend, every time she saw me. Harrumphh!!

The night sped by. There was a buffet of snack food and John finally convinced me to sit down for a few minutes and eat something, but I was too excited to stay in one place for long. Besides, about the only thing I could eat was the fruit. They did have chicken skewers, but I tried them and they were basically little salt pillars that just looked like chicken. Gaaaaack! So off I went again, running around and continuing the greetings, until it was time to head for Room 801, when Joe and Ten, along with James and Korey Mae Johnson, were hosting all weekend. Tom and Morgan also had suite parties most of the weekend, but John and I somehow never ended up there, or in any of the other room/suite gatherings. Room 801 was home base.

My first scene of the weekend was with the much-beloved Michael, aka InspectHerHide on FetLife. I don't think John and I were in 801 for more than 17 seconds before Michael was grabbing my hand and saying, "I'm ready!" I certainly was too, so off we went to one of the bedrooms.

What a great first scene. We started out as we usually do, clowning and laughing and being silly. He grabbed me by the hand and yanked me around the room, announcing to everyone we passed that he was going to spank me. But once we settled into the scene, we got into a more serious mode. Another couple came in and started to play on the bed, but he didn't want me to interact with them at all. "Your only focus is on me," he commanded. He can do that. I am totally OK with his taking over; I just melt along with it, and with him.

Joe had given him a leather strap, but he ended up using just his hand, which is plenty formidable, and I was well warmed when the scene came to an end. I sighed sadly into the pillow, "I guess I have to get up now, huh?"

"Not yet, you don't," he said, grabbing my legs and maneuvering me so I was lying flat on the bed. Then he took off my shoes, unzipped my dress and proceeded to give me a fabulous massage. At one point, my friend Mir came in. I turned my head and said, "Hey, Mir!" and Michael gently but firmly swiveled my head back in the other direction. "No," he said. "You are under my care and responsibility right now, until the moment I hand you back over to John. And until then, your only focus is on the sensations I'm giving you. Do you understand?" "Yes," I murmured. 

When we were done, he pulled me up and then into his lap for a long hug. Then he put my shoes back on and set my clothes back properly. The one thing I was allowed to do myself was put my glasses back on. Then he led me by the hand back to John. So. Freaking. Hot.

I was shooting with Amateur Spankings in the morning, so I didn't want to play much on Friday night. I was too busy with all the greeting, anyway. So I did one more scene, a quick one with Glenn, and that was it for the night, play-wise. Still, we stayed in 801 until 2:00 a.m. and had a great time. At midnight, there was a Domestic Discipline showcase, with several couples demonstrating DD-style spanking. We were supposed to rate the best one with applause at the end, but everyone was so good, we really couldn't choose just one, so they gave up on the prize idea.

I think I'll end Part 1 here, as I have to go return the rental car. More to come, and with pictures, I promise!
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Shadow Lane 2013, Part 2 (Sat. morning & afternoon)

September 3, 2013, 4:43 pm
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John dragged me out of bed at 9:15 a.m. on Saturday so I could shower and get ready for the shoot with BratKaye. In honor of that shoot, I wore some brand-new lingerie:



Got myself some caffeine and arrived at their room at 10:15. We chatted for a while, then got down to business. Kaye and I did a scenario where we essentially played ourselves: two "spanking models" at a party in Vegas. However, we'd been booked (and pre-paid) for a custom shoot the night before, but both of us blew it off, ignoring our phone calls and texts and partying up a storm with fellow guests. So of course, G was taking us to task for it.

Too funny -- G was prepared with cameras and lights and all that stuff, but he'd neglected to bring any implements! So Kaye called Fineous (the famous flogger) and asked if he had anything we could borrow. Fortunately he was up and dressed, and he delivered a hairbrush to the room (thanks a lot, Fin). We improvised and shot what I think will be a fun scene, with plenty of smart-assery. I don't have any stills from that yet (dammit! I want all my pictures, now!), but will post when I have some.

After that, I found John back in our room, and we headed down to Café Siena to have lunch. On our way, we met Joe and Ten in the elevator, and they asked to join us. Are you kidding? Who would say no to those two as companions? We had a great lunch with lots of lively conversation; I wanted to treat, since I'd just gotten paid for a shoot, but Ten absolutely would not hear of it, pulling out her credit card. I started to argue, but she put up a finger and gave me her Bossy Ten face, so I backed down. :-)

"I have money," she said. "Don't you know I'm a chubby hooker??" (That was in reference to a post some asshat made on FetLife last week, where he said the "new crop of spanking models" were a bunch of hookers, and most of them were too "chubby." Charming, huh?) John came back with, "That's chubby ho." So, our new name for Ten is CeeHo. ;-)

The SSNY folks were having a suite party from 1-4, with hopes to show a bunch of their video shorts, as they always do. These things are a riot and a highlight of any party weekend. Unfortunately, this time, they couldn't get the big-screen TV to hook up properly and show them. What a bummer! The room was packed, very noisy, and dreadfully warm, and while I loved being there, I found myself feeling a bit overwhelmed and not knowing which way to turn. Then I glanced over and saw Prux standing alone -- she looked exactly how I felt. I sidled over to her and said, "Hey, you wanna take a break and go outside for a bit?" She nodded, and we went out to the hallway (which was blessedly cool) and sat down with our backs against the wall, chatting. Soon, we were joined by others such as Michael, Lance Del Toro, OTKDesire, Aurora, and my John, with several others walking by and greeting us.

At one point, John from Triple A Spanking came over to say hello. He's from the UK (we had a lot of UK folks this time! always lovely to see them) and this was his first SL party; I'd been introduced to him the night before. I knew he was shooting all weekend, so I was thrilled to bits when he said, "Hey Erica, would you like to film a little something later?" Hellz, yes! I suggested we do it right after the dinner buffet/dance, when we'd be all dressed up, and he agreed, so I said I'd come to his room at 10 p.m. 

After a while, Michael whisked Prux off to give her some special attention and the others left as well, so John and I went back into the SSNY room. Once there, I was approached by Kor-E, who had asked earlier if this was the year where we'd finally play, and I said yes. "Got a minute?" he said. "Yes!" I replied, and off we went into the bedroom, where we had a hilarious scene. He was melodramatically scolding me for seeing him at parties for the past seven years and not knowing that he wanted to play with me. "Why didn't you just ask?" I screeched. "You're supposed to know! You're supposed to read our minds, and know from just that quick glance across the room!" Oh, brother. "I am NOT a @#$%ing Shadow Lane ambassador!" I protested, but it was no use. For the rest of the scene, I had to hear all about his "misery and heartache." ;-) We hammed it up and had a lot of laughs. He said he thought perhaps now he could let go of the pain he's been carrying and forgive me. I certainly hope so.

When the SSNY party ended, there was another event at 4:00, but I was wiped out and needed a nap. So John and I headed to our room to sleep a while. Upon our arrival, I got a text from Dana, which brought some sad news. Poor thing had a pipe burst in her house, flooding the downstairs! How horrible! So of course, not only was our shoot off, but all the others she had scheduled as well. What utter suckage. I felt so bad for them; what a thing to happen, and what incredibly rotten timing. I was so disappointed that I was going to miss seeing them yet again, but it couldn't be helped. I texted back, asking if we could help somehow (help move furniture, whatever), but she said the landlady and her husband were there and would be there all the next day too. (sigh) I hope they will be OK and the damage will be minimal.

John woke me up at 6:00 so I could get ready. Saturday night is always "dress-up" night at these things, and I was prepared with an LBD, fishnet stockings and high heels.




You know, after all these years, I'm still a nervous wreck before the Saturday night affair. I'm not sure why. I take forever with my makeup and my hair and I ask John to go down to the ballroom ahead of me so I can have a couple of minutes alone to breathe deep and gather myself. Silly, isn't it. But it's what I do. Finally, I was (somewhat) satisfied with my appearance and headed downstairs to start the long night of partying.

These entries are wayyyyy long, so I'm going to break them up into manageable bits. Part 3 coming soon!
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Shadow Lane 2013, Part 3 (Saturday night)

September 3, 2013, 10:23 pm
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So I finally got myself down to the ballroom, where John had already gotten us seats at a table (right next to the dance floor, yes!). We went to the buffet -- I was happy to see that the choices were much better than the hors d'oeuvres the night before, including salmon and baked chicken, and fresh steamed veggies. Good healthy choices, so I could splurge and have a piece of chocolate mousse cake afterwards! :-)

Everyone looked great; John looked so handsome in his suit, as always. One standout for me was Mila Kohl, decked out in a floor-length, strapless ball gown with her hair put up. She looked like a princess! And Sarah Gregory looked like a beautiful siren in red.



I also had Kaye take pictures of Michael and me. My cell phone takes crappy shots, but I liked this anyway. :-)




Dammit, I forgot to have someone take a picture of John and me together this year. Argh. 

After dinner, John asked me to dance, and we got on the floor just as Bob the DJ was starting Madonna's "Hanky Panky." Perfect! I threw myself into it, dancing my butt off -- how I managed to get through that whole song without stumbling on my high heels, I'll never know. Shortly thereafter, Bob began the "Electric Slide," and a big group got up for it. Last year, I'd watched everyone doing this and thought how much fun it looked, but didn't have the nerve to join in. This year, I was determined to do it. So I kicked off my pumps and jumped right in. It's pretty simple, actually -- just four moves, with a quarter turn in between sets of four. Fun! Best of all, I then danced a slow dance with my sweetheart. It was our 17th anniversary last Friday. ♥

Just before 10, we went back to our room so I could fix my hair and makeup before my shoot with Triple A. John was dropping me off at AAA-John's room, so we arrived there promptly at 10 and knocked on the door. No answer. Knocked again, no answer. Oh, crap.

I didn't know what to do -- we hadn't exchanged any contact information. 
I texted Alex, since she's friends with AAA-John, thinking she might know where he was. She sent back a phone number, but I couldn't use it because I don't have an international plan on my phone. So we waited there until 10:20. I was so bummed and disappointed. "Why do people have to be so flaky?" I sighed to John. We decided to go back down to the ballroom to look for him, and sure enough, as we were going up the escalator, we saw AAA-John coming down! So we got off the escalator at the top and ran to the going-down side.

He and his work partner David were full of apologies -- they had been looking for me in the ballroom! "You must have been calling us all sorts of dirty names," David mused. And John quipped, "No, not at all... but the word 'flake' did come up." AAACCCKK! I was so embarrassed! But they just laughed; no offense was taken. We were all simply happy that we'd connected after all.

Long story short, we ended up back in the AAA room and both men were completely amenable to John staying to watch. Since AAA-John and I were all dressed up, we decided to do a scenario as a couple who were at a party, and he was miffed at me for drinking too much and flirting with the bartender. We ad-libbed the whole thing and had some fun banter. I really enjoyed this shoot! :-) It was so easy and relaxed. But I'm never going to live down that "flake" business.




I love getting dressed up, but it was enough already. I couldn't wait to go back to our room to change into something more comfortable, but still somewhat dressy (a pink-and-black skirt and a black tank top), and swap out the stockings and pumps for low-heeled sandals. And it was back to Room 801 for us!

Having seen a lot of FLA Paddler on FetLife, I was pleased to finally meet him. He was every bit as charming as he'd seemed. That night, I decided to follow my new "Ask people to play; don't wait for them to ask you" motto and approached him, asking if he'd like to play. He asked what type of scene I'd like; I wasn't quite sure what he meant, so I answered, "Ummm... spanking?" He laughed, then said, "Yes, spanking... but anything else? Flogging? Strapping? Single-tail?" Oooh, flogging, yes please. So we went into the bedroom and did a lovely long scene, with spanking first and then a delicious double flogging. He was very talented with those things, spot on with his aim and great at varying the intensities. And he was interactive, talking with me throughout, which I liked, since I didn't know him well and it helped me feel more connected. 

After that, I was pliant and warm and relaxed, and reluctantly put my clothes back on (I'd stripped down to panties) and shuffled my way back into the living room. The rest of the evening feels a bit blurry and I hope I don't forget anything crucial. I do remember sitting on the couch with Michael and Prux, eating a piece of the sheet cake our hosts had gotten to celebrate Shadow Lane's 22nd year. Then we were joined by a gentleman who goes by the name "Oak" on FetLife. I'd met him the night before; he's from Denmark, a stunning tall blond man with a sweet smile and a soft-spoken voice with a delicious accent. Michael started saying a lot of complimentary things about him, and Prux pronounced him the "yummiest man ever." Well! One thing led to another, and soon Oak was leading me by the hand back into the bedroom. We had a brief but lovely OTK scene -- yes indeed, he IS yummy. :-D  I had my usual insecurities about playing with someone so much younger, but he thanked me and told me he'd enjoyed it.

Back in the main room, John was busily chatting with Amy on one couch, so I sat back down next to Michael on the other. He and I had chatted earlier and he'd shared a story of a wonderful scene experience with me, so I was feeling especially warm and fuzzy toward him. And I was also getting very sleepy. I ended up curling up against him, with my legs up and across his lap, and closing my eyes, letting the sounds of the party float around me and feeling my body relax completely. You know, all the playing is delicious, but moments like these, special sharing moments with dear friends, really make the weekend for me.

I wish I could remember whether or not I played again that night -- I don't think I did. All I remember is sprawling against John later while he continued his chat with Amy, and when I knew I couldn't stay awake any longer, I said, "Honey, I'm gonna go back to our room and go to bed." I didn't want him to end his conversation, but he insisted that they were winding it up anyway, so we said our good-nights and we took off for the night. I think it was around 2:30. I know a lot of people pulled all-nighters, but we all know I just can't do that. It was all I could to do to wash my face and brush my teeth before falling into bed. Despite my head swirling with the evening's activities, I fell asleep almost immediately.

Sunday next! But first, something I forgot from Saturday afternoon at the SSNY party. I was talking with Beth, Ellee and YS, and I whispered to Beth that I wanted thigh turkeys from YS. Of course, that sweet girl made it happen! :-D He sat me down, with practically the whole room watching, and did his particular magic on my oh-so-sensitive thighs. Beth snapped pictures as we watched the hand prints bloom.

The prints blurred after a day or so, so now I'm left with a colorful array of red streaks and small bruises.




I have no idea why thigh turkeys are so damned fascinating. They just are.

Part 4 tomorrow.
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Shadow Lane 2013, Part 4 (Sunday)

September 4, 2013, 12:19 pm
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Sunday morning I was able to sleep in until about 10:30, because Strict Dave's CP Court wasn't until noon. As we've learned to do, John and I got there early when they were still setting up, so we could get seats on one of the couches. It was a good plan, because the room ended up being so packed with bodies, it was standing room only, and people were spilling out into the foyer! It's a statement about how well-loved Dave and his CP Court are, because so many of these people were running on fumes, having had little to no sleep, and yet here they all were on a Sunday morning.

As I sat waiting for court to start, I felt hands on my shoulders and turned to see KinkyCoach, who had positioned himself behind the couch. We started chatting, and I asked if he would play with me that evening, to which he answered yes. A few minutes later after I'd faced forward again, these amazing strong fingers and thumbs started probing my neck and shoulders, and I would have slumped off the couch and landed on the carpet, had Alex and Prux not been sitting at my feet. I told KC that if his spanking was anything like his massage, I was going to fall in love with him. He laughed and said I had his permission to do so.

(A quick aside: once again, I marvel at how I can toss off flirtatious sentences like that while sitting right next to my beloved. I love my open-minded, non-possessive man!! ♥)

Court convened and was the usual crazy fun. It ran a bit longer this time and we were there until nearly 2:00, but it was worth it. After that, John and I headed down to Café Siena once again, this time accompanied by Mir and Samantha (no, not Woodley). We sat and yapped up a storm, lingering there until nearly 4:00. 

After a nap and doing some packing, I put on my baby-doll PJs and we headed to 801 at 8:00 for the final blow-out. I had kept missing people all weekend with whom I wanted to play, and I planned to make up for that tonight. Little did I know just how much I would be doing that!

First thing I saw when I walked into one of the bedrooms was the gorgeous Maddy Marks, stretched out on the bed and being double-massaged by her man and by KC. "What's all this?" I teased, walking over. She turned her head and smiled at me, saying hello. "Hello, you lucky woman," I replied. Then I glanced at KC, flicked the spike of hair he has on top of his head and said, "When's my turn, Alfalfa?"

(Yes, I know. No one under 40 will get that reference.)

I got my turn with him shortly thereafter. He started with massage -- I took off my PJ top and sprawled out, relishing having all the knots kneaded out of me. He then asked, "Feeling good?" and I said "Almost. I still want a spanking." Damn, I'm greedy. He complied, sitting down and pulling me across his lap. Unfortunately, he happened to have a nasty hairbrush handy (shudder). He made me pay for the "Alfalfa" comment, and one more. At some point when he'd been waxing egotistical (and tongue-in-cheek) about his effects on women, I'd asked, "So is that why your hair spikes up -- because your head is too big for it to lie flat?" :-D

When another couple joined us on the bed, he shifted me to make more room and then resumed with his hand. As I squirmed, I felt something hard under my arm, and realized it was the brush. Mischievously I grabbed it and waved it front of his face, but when he reached for it, I threw it across the room. "You little @#$%!" he blurted, laughing. Of course, one of his fellow tops retrieved it for him, and he let me have it, doing a leg lock when I kicked. Yum.

At the end he had me stand, then kneel down in front of him so we could hug. I sighed, "This is when I know I've had a good scene -- I hate to see it ending!" It didn't, not just yet. Aftercare went on for about 15-20 minutes; I lost track of the time. We just stayed in that position, hugging tight. I tuned everything out and focused on how good I felt. When we finally pulled apart, I stood and then we hugged yet again. This time, his face was on my upper chest, so he gave me a quick and playful nip/suckle. Then I heard him say, "Damn, you've got sensitive skin!" I looked down and saw this:





Gaaaaaa! I knew I was never going to hear the end of this, and I certainly didn't. John teased me about it for the rest of the evening, and every time someone asked me what that was, John would say, "Yes, honey, tell them!" I had to repeat the story several times, blushing furiously.

I was Jell-O after that, so I staggered back into the main room and sat at Joe's feet for a while, chatting with him and Joey. Soon we were joined by others, and pizzas arrived, so everyone munched and talked for a while. At one point, I was sitting with Alex, Mila and Christy Cutie (who really is a cutie) and making them laugh with my stories about one of the scene's most infamous creepers. Then it was back to play. I did a quickie scene with Alex (male Alex, not Reynolds), which was silly fun and hurt his hand more than my butt. (snicker) 

The rest of the night is a blur of play-mania. Suddenly, everyone I'd wanted to play with all weekend was turning up and asking me -- YS, Malignus, Fineous, and of course Michael, with whom I knew I wanted seconds (and maybe thirds). In the next couple of hours, I had my first scene with Malignus (who was a lot of fun and a great top), one hell of an intense strapping with itsnature (two straps at a time at some points!), and then one of Fineous's magical floggings.

Also in that time span, I had my second scene with Michael, which was shorter than our first, but rather emotional for me, because I felt like I'd insulted him and I ended up tearing a little. He had scolded me earlier for focusing on others in the room during the spanking when he'd told me not to, so I was being very careful to not do that again. But when we were having aftercare, I was snuggled up in his arms, and then I heard John off to the side, loudly (for my benefit) saying, "WELL! It's going to be a long, awkward drive home!" I couldn't help it -- I burst out laughing. Then I thought, "Oh no!! I did it again!" Michael cracked up too, so he was totally OK with it. The scene was over, after all. However, I still got wiggy, and when we stood up, I started babbling, "Are you OK with that? You're not mad, are you? You're not upset with me for laughing?" He just stared at me, incredulous. "Erica, look at me," he said. "Look at this face. Do you see 'mad' here? Do you see 'upset' here? Do you see anything but a very happy man?" Silly, silly me, getting all teary-eyed. But these parties tend to reduce us to our most emotional cores when we least expect it. Michael told me to go off and play, but that we weren't finished. That's when I knew I wanted him to be my final scene of the weekend.

I really, really wanted to play with YS, who had likewise expressed that desire. But we kept missing each other that night. Around 12:30, I saw him across the room and approached him, asking if now was a good time. He had a package of cigars in his hand, and he looked at me regretfully and said, "Oh... I was just about to go out with the guys and have a cigar! After? Will you still be here?" I figured cigars wouldn't take too long, so I'd hang out, talk with others, then play with him when he came back. That would leave one more scene with Michael, and then I'd call it a night. He promised he'd come back and find me, and he was off. I told Michael about the plan so he was down with it as well, and he went off to play some more.

I sat with John and chatted with Jada and Kelley and several others, just relaxing and enjoying the various sensations of afterglow. But after a while, I started getting very drowsy. We had to get up at 7:00 so we could hit the road early and beat the traffic. I kept glancing at the foyer, waiting for YS, and then back at my watch. When it was quarter of two and he hadn't come back, I regretfully made a decision -- I couldn't wait any longer. I wasn't upset; I know how things go at these parties. He probably got sidetracked and it simply wasn't meant to be, this time.

So I found Michael. "I'm ready," I said.

He sat at the side of the bed and had me stand before him, my hands on my head. Then he pulled my PJ bottoms and panties down, had me face him while he spoke quietly to me, telling me what he was going to do. How loved I was, how much I needed this and how honored he was to be my first and last. Then he began.

Flurries. Really hard, fast flurries, with pounding swats that screamed through my entire body and had me moaning into the pillow. He'd pause briefly to rub, to whisper encouragement, then I'd feel a firm hand pressing on my back, or gripping my hair, and the next flurry would begin. The last one was the hardest, and through my haze of pain, I heard him count down. "Five... four... three... two... one... let it out!!" I raised my head off the pillow and let out a howl, then collapsed back down. I was done. I was blissful, wrung out, my whole body throbbing, my blood singing in my veins. 

Delicious. Perfect.

After Michael delivered me back to John, I knew I was done. It was 2:30, and despite my usual attack of FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out), it was time to go. We reluctantly began our goodbyes. The beautiful OTKDesire hugged me tight and said, "No, you can't go!" which made me smile. Joe said, "This is worth a break in the music," and he turned the sound down for a moment and announced, "Everyone, Erica Scott and John are leaving!" LOL! A whirlwind of hugs, and we left. I clung tightly to John in bed that night, feeling the need for his closeness. He's so very good to me at these parties, letting me flit around and do my thing while he socializes. I love him so much for this, and for so many other things, too. ♥

I ended this weekend with few regrets. I'm sorry we didn't get to see Dana, and I'm sorry I didn't get to play with YS, or with Joe. The party was not without its emotions, and I witnessed a couple of mini-meltdowns, which made my heart hurt. I've been there; I know how it is. These gatherings are so nurturing, yet at the same time, they can be excruciating. We're all keyed up, sleep-deprived, and engaging in play that brings our emotions and vulnerabilities to the forefront, and every feeling, good and bad, is multiplied tenfold. So for those who had rough moments this weekend, please know you are not alone. 

For everyone this weekend who talked with me, hugged me, played with me, filmed with me, gave me love and warm fuzzies, thank you. For our suite party hosts, thank you for taking such good care of us. To Shadow Lane, thank you for yet another great party. For my beloved, thank you for being my companion; I can't imagine being at one of these events without you.

And now, I suppose I should get back to work.

P.S. Does anyone else see the irony of this? I come home from a spanking weekend -- my thighs are a mess, my chest has a big fat suck mark on it, and yet my butt is spotless?? (sore, yes, but completely white. Meh!)
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Look out... here it comes...

September 6, 2013, 12:01 pm
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... party drop. Yes, it has arrived.

It's quite inevitable, after these weekends. So much stimulation, so much attention, so much love, such a suspension of real life. Then you come back.

I'm taking it in stride so far, knowing it is what it is and it will pass. I knew the post-part giddiness wouldn't last forever. FetLife and Twitter have been a whirlwind of pictures, posts, comments and thank-yous, and when I look at them now, my heart hurts a little. I miss you guys! I want to be with you again! I want hugs and snuggles and spanks and laughs and all that party goodness. I want to be all over the U.S. at once and see everyone.

I don't know when I will be playing with Steve next. No, it's not because of what you might be thinking. He's simply dealing with a deluge of real-life issues all at once, and his energy and head-space for play have temporarily been squelched. It happens. Reality blows. I will hold good thoughts that things get better for him. I miss him.

But I do get to be with my sweetie tonight and this weekend. I think we may be belatedly celebrating our anniversary, which was last Friday. No big plans, just a nice dinner somewhere. And lots of post-party dishing. Yes, men dish too. :-)

Meanwhile, on a cheerier note, I got a few pictures from the Amateur Spankings film I shot with BratKaye. Apparently, it's going to be called "Up to No Good." How apropos! 

Well, maybe not. I mean, come on. Do we look like troublemakers here?





OK. I guess we do.





No Chross list this week??! Dammit! I was a shoo-in with these party reports! (sulk) How dare he have a life when I'm so in need of attention. ;-)

Yes, that was written with tongue firmly planted in cheek. Have a great weekend, y'all.
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"I'll think about it."

September 9, 2013, 8:30 pm
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A simple, common sentence. Four little words. Who knew that it could get me in so damn much trouble?

I must backtrack for a bit. When I spoke with Steve last Thursday, he was not doing well. A lot of work stress, plus the added aggravation of having to move (the house he's been renting for years has been put up for sale, and he doesn't wish to buy it). I asked if he was coming over Monday, and he said with regret in his voice, "I really don't know. I've been so out of it lately, not sleeping well... I don't think I can get into the right head space for play, sweetie."

"Listen to me," I said. "We don't have to play. I'm your friend. Come over and just talk to me, vent, whatever you want. You don't have to perform for me. I just want to see you." I meant it. He could tell, because he agreed to come by this morning. 

I had no expectations of play whatsoever, and when he came in, I could tell he hadn't been exaggerating about how stressed he was. I've never seen him so tense. When he tried to send a text to a colleague, he fumbled the phone. I had him lie down on my bed, and I massaged his head until I felt him relax. "Thank you for taking care of me," he said. "I'm sorry about the role reversal. I should be taking care of you."

"You will another time," I said. "For now, you need to rest." He wound down a bit, talking less, and finally murmured, "You know, I'm fading... I could go to sleep right now.""Then go ahead," I insisted. Right after that, he practically passed out, poor guy. He slept for the better part of an hour, I think.

After he woke, I stretched alongside him and we chatted some more. He thanked me again for being here for him, and I answered, "Thank you for letting me. I was afraid you were going to shut me out, because you were so stressed out." He went on to assure me that he would never do that, no matter what was going on. As we talked, I could feel him coming back. His voice, his body language, everything was changing from the tense man who had walked in a while ago back into the Steve I see every week. "How many times do I have to tell you I'm not going anywhere?" he teased. I shrugged, and he added, "You do know that, right? You'd better know it, or I'll roll you over right now."

Hmmm. I liked the sound of that. I still didn't answer.

With a little bit more of a toppy edge, he repeated, "You do know that, don't you? Say yes."

All I had to do was say "yes," and I was off the hook. Instead, I smirked at him and replied, "I'll think about it."

Wrong. Answer.

"Oh, that's it," he growled. "If I had my bag with me, this would be a boot camp moment. You'll think about it?? Go get me something. I'll give you something to think about."

Giggling, I went to my closet. And then temporary insanity overtook me. I could have brought him the Cane-iac OTK strap that I like so much. Or a leather paddle. But no-o-o-o. I brought him that @#$%ing Strictly Lickin' Stick, the one Kat sold to John at Shadow Lane.

How does one describe this monstrosity? It's not a thick, thuddy paddle; it's only about 5/16" thick. But it's not just one piece of wood; it's actually six super-thin layers of hardwood laminated together, finely sanded and polished, then coated with lacquer. It doesn't quite sting, either. It burns and it bites, unlike anything I can think of. It's NASTY.

Why I brought it to him, I don't know. 

He wasted no time in flipping me into position on the bed and shoving pillows under my hips. "No warm-up," he said calmly, laying into me immediately. Oh, my God.

"Still thinking, honey? What are you thinking now? Hmmm?" It was all happening so fast and so intensely, I couldn't think at all. "Uhmmm, nothing, nothing! I'm not thinking anything! Ow! That hurts!"

"I'm sure it does," he replied, continuing. "I need to remind you. We're going to rename this 'the reminder stick.' You need to be reminded that I'm here for the long haul." I tried to process the pain, sink into it, be with it, but damned if that thing wasn't setting me on fire, so I struggled and kicked.

"No," he scolded, "no kicking. Keep still. I'm not going to stop until you stop moving." So I'd manage to for a few swats... but then squirm and thrash again.

"You still thinking about it?" he asked. "NO!" I hollered. "I'm not, I'm not!""So are you sure now?""YES!""Tell me.""I'm sure you're not going anywhere! I'm sorryyyyyy!"

"Just a few more," he assured me. The only problem was that he said that three or four times!! "Keep still," he warned again. "I can't, it HURTS!""I know, honey."

I tried, I really did. I managed to hold perfectly still for a few more. But when that last one cracked down across both cheeks, I lost it. "STEEEEEEEEEEVE!" tore out of my throat in a shriek, and I swiftly rolled onto my back, my arms and legs frantically curling up and in.

He did not attempt to reposition me. He knew I was done. Instead, he pulled me to him and held on tight. "It's over, baby. Hold onto me. Let it out."

I burst into tears. The good kind. The kind that cleanse me from the inside out.

No, it wasn't one of our long, multi-layered scenes. It was quick, unexpected, spontaneous, and ferocious. But it was what we both needed, apparently. The tension was gone from both of us. Soon, I was laughing through my tears. And he was laughing too.

Magic.

But I still hate that fucking Lickin' Stick. :-Þ

He didn't bring his camera today, but I took a couple of "selfies" after he left.




Look at my sulky face! Don't you feel sorry for me??




Yeah, I didn't think so. Nuts to all of you. :-)

Especially you, Kat!! 

(P.S.  All kidding aside... I ♥ you, Steve. Thank you. I hope things will all fall into place for you soon. Until then, I'm not going anywhere, either.)
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My not-so-secret secret

September 11, 2013, 12:01 pm
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Let's review, kids (channeling Jules here): What's one of the biggest ongoing debates in the spanko world that will never have a definitive answer? That's right. Spanking + sex: yes or no?

I'm not going to debate that here today. Anyone who knows me, knows where I am on this. I happen to prefer keeping spanking and sex separate. Just like my cake-and-ice-cream analogy; I love both of those treats, but I don't like them mushed together on the same plate.

Please don't misunderstand me and think I don't like sex. I love it. However, when I'm in spanko mode, my needs are different. After a spanking, especially an intense one, my primary need is to be held and soothed. I need to feel contact, but more in a tender, caressing vein than in a sexual one.

I know a lot of people don't get this. In fact, sometimes I think the majority of spankos out there do prefer sex with their spanking. And more power to them -- enjoy all you can! Then there's the occasional gem like this, which I just received this morning:

Are you serious? How do you expect someone to pull up your dress, revealing your hot ass and legs encased in nylons and heels - not want to fuck you after they spank you???? Makes no sense

Makes no sense to you, honey. So I guess that means there's no room for discussion. Buh-bye.

HOWEVER...

Does this mean I don't get sexually aroused by spanking? Hell, no.

And after I'm back down to earth, after the subspace has lifted, yeah. Sometimes I do crave sexual release.

Because I have carefully drawn boundaries out of respect for John, sex with my play partners is not on the table. So when the need strikes during the week, I take care of it myself.

I've made no secret of the fact that I use a vibrator. I even wrote a silly post about it here. And I've experienced men using vibrators on me.

It used to be that I'd wait for my tops to leave (sometimes just barely). I joked with one of them that if he walked outside of my apartment and then listened carefully, he could probably hear me screaming. (Yes, I'm loud.) I never masturbated in front of any man -- sounds strange to some of you, I'm sure! But I was intensely private that way. A dichotomy, to be sure. Wanna spank me? Gather the audience, the bigger the better. But sex is between me and my partner, and no one else. Or between me and me, if it's self-pleasuring.

Until now. 

Steve didn't want me to do it after he left. He wanted to watch me.

At first, I felt squirmy and vulnerable. I didn't think I could do it; I thought I'd be too distracted. But he simply sat off to the side, not speaking, not touching, letting me concentrate. I shut my eyes tight and disappeared into the sensations, and then there it was.

He watched. And afterward, when I was shaking and recapturing my breath, he commanded me to lie still, don't move, rest. He then wrapped me in the comforter and held me, just as he had after the spanking. Told me how beautiful I was.

Perhaps it's part of the top experience for him. Watching me completely lose control, while he maintains his. I don't know. I don't understand how it all works. I only know that it does. Even after all these years and at my somewhat advanced age, I can still experience "firsts."

Once in a while, with my permission, he takes pictures. He's a man; he likes visuals. :-) He gives them to me, just as he gives me all the photos he takes. I've deleted them, because I don't find them appealing. However, one of them captured my bliss so perfectly, I had to keep it. I cropped it, of course. I prefer to leave certain things to the imagination. Then I gave it a black-and-white, softened treatment. I think it's sexy, but more artsy than porn-y. What do you think?




I debated for a long time about this post. Yes, I was shy about it. I may regret hitting "Publish." I may not. I may delete it. I may not. But for today, I felt like sharing another little piece of myself. And know that in doing so, I am still a sexy and desirable woman, even looking down the barrel of 56. ♥
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