I did end up getting some work for this week, so yay, me. Last week, I proofread a manuscript of fetish erotica, and this week, the same author sent me an accompanying novella. Reading the scenarios of said files, plus perusal of FetLife stories and photos, and blogs of friends, has gotten me thinking about my own kinkiness.
I realize I've done pretty much everything with the spanking fetish that one can possibly do. Reading, writing, performing, participating, fulfilling fantasies and dreams, and continuing to do so. However, it seems to me that, aside from this one ginormous kink, I am primarily...
...wait for it...
gasp
Vanilla.
I'm not saying that as a put-down to myself (even though that word carries a negative weight in the kink scenes); it's merely an acknowledgment. I guess it's never been brought to my attention quite as directly as it was when I proofread that manuscript. It had M/F spanking and sex, but it was also chock-full of F/F sex and spanking, F/M spanking, nipple torture, genital whipping, bondage, anal penetration, you name it. Something for everyone. And it fascinated me as I observed my own reactions to what I was reading. The M/F spanking and sex made me smile and squirm with familiarity and pleasure. The rest? Nothing. In fact, some sections made me groan and think, "Oh, no." But then my professional side would take over and I'd read it, correct the errors, and suggest edits.
Sometimes, I feel like I am the only spanko female in existence who isn't in the least bit bisexual, bi-curious, or into any sort of spanking play, even non-sexual, with other women. It simply doesn't compute. A good friend teasingly refers to me as the most "relentlessly heterosexual woman" she knows. The thought of a woman spanking me makes me cringe. And, although I adore my gal pals and feel great affection for them, I don't want to get kissy and touchy-feely with them. I am not Katy Perry; I have never kissed a girl, nor have I had any sort of sexual exchange with a girl, not even touching. And the lack of curiosity or desire on my part sometimes seems like a square peg in the roundness and softness of F/F exploration and play.
In other words, vanilla.
Sometimes, I also feel like the only spanko in existence who isn't at least somewhat anal erotic. Granted, I know others before me have declared that orifice to be "exit only," so I guess I'm not the only one who doesn't want plugs and strap-ons and other hard objects going in there. However, I don't even find the surrounding area in the least bit sexy or arousing. I want it left alone and ignored. I don't want my cheeks pulled apart, I don't want even the gentlest of fingers slipping into the cleft.
As with everything, I was a late bloomer with rimming; I didn't experience it until I was in my late 30s. And the first time it happened, it was completely unexpected; the man just went there, and my first reaction was complete shock. What the hell is he DOING? And the reaction after that was not of pleasure, but of mortification. I observe good hygiene, but all I could think was oh my god, am I clean? I experienced it a few more times after that, but never enjoyed it. I couldn't understand the desire; it didn't resonate in my sexual brain. Just a couple of inches away was a warm, wet, welcoming opening; what did he want to go there for? I know the anal aficionados will nay-say this, but I don't think that area is very attractive. So once again, I feel a bit out of step with many other spankos.
In other words, vanilla.
Spankos I know often tend to enjoy other kinks, other types of pain. Various methods of impact and torture have been inflicted upon breasts, genitals, backs and fronts of thighs, and feet, as well as bottoms. I see some of the bruises and welts and cuts on FetLife pictures and I shudder, all the while feeling bad because I know I'm not supposed to judge. People like what they like and they are entitled to engage in it if it's consensual. But I can't help my own reactions. The one and only time someone struck my feet, I was so angry, I wanted to kick backward and drive his nose out the back of his skull. If strikes from an implement during spanking wander too high, too low or in between, I am jerked out of scene space in less than a heartbeat's time. I'm terrified of blood and broken skin. Recently, the lovely Beth posted about an interrogation scene in which she was slapped in the face. Yes, I knew that was consensual. Yes, I know she likes all kinds of pain. But still, I felt a flash of anger. I commented to her that, although I respected her desire for that type of scene, I still couldn't help the visceral urge to confront the man who had slapped her sweet face and castrate him with a butter knife. Fortunately, she took it in the spirit it was meant and didn't chide me for it. :-)
OK, so I like some bondage and restraint. I like the exhibitionism, the roleplay of the bad girl, the grabbing of hair. I prefer poly play over monogamy. But overall, I dislike way more variations of kink than I like.
In other words, when it comes to kink flavors, I am more vanilla with a bit of chocolate swirl, or perhaps a few sprinkles, than I am 31 Flavors.
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People talk about sex a whole lot on FetLife. And of course, as with the spanking topics, the same sexual topics come up over and over, including favorite sex positions. To read some of these threads, it sounds like kinky folks are the freaking Cirque Du Soleil of sexual acrobatics. Up against walls, suspended, reverse cowgirl, wheelbarrows, you name it. If the body is capable of contorting in any fashion, it's been done.
So what's my favorite sexual position?
Yup. Missionary.
Yes, I've tried a lot of other positions. Some were interesting, some were fun. Most were uncomfortable. Why do I love missionary? Because I love intimacy. I love being able to look into the man's eyes, wrap my arms and legs around him, feel our bodies merge. I love feeling his weight on me. I don't like being on top; I don't want the control. I know some other positions may be considered a lot hotter and more exciting, but I'm old school. I love closeness and intimacy with my sex. If I just wanted to get off, I have a BOB for that.
So yeah, not a whole lot of sexual position variety there. In other words, vanilla.
But, despite my feeling comparatively conservative in the face of so many kinks, I have to look at the flip side, at the relativity. To those who have never wandered into any sort of kink, my proclivities and adventures are downright twisted and risqué. Go figure.
I don't really know where I'm going with this ramble. If I were younger and newer to the scene, my thoughts would probably be along the lines of "I need to experiment and find other things I like." But I've been there and done that. Once again, it's time for self-acceptance. I am not a multi-tasker. I've never been one with myriad interests. But the interests I do have, I give 110%.
OK, so I'll never be able to write a really compelling book about fetish erotica, because it would be far too focused on one thing. But perhaps that one thing, and that one thing alone, appeals to a lot of people more than I think.
Anyone out there want to chime in on this? How kinky do you think you are; do your interests satisfy you, or do you want to experiment with more? Do you ever wonder why what appeals to you doesn't to others, and vice versa? Do you ever wonder what's the difference between narrow-minded and simply particular?
I realize I've done pretty much everything with the spanking fetish that one can possibly do. Reading, writing, performing, participating, fulfilling fantasies and dreams, and continuing to do so. However, it seems to me that, aside from this one ginormous kink, I am primarily...
...wait for it...
gasp
Vanilla.
I'm not saying that as a put-down to myself (even though that word carries a negative weight in the kink scenes); it's merely an acknowledgment. I guess it's never been brought to my attention quite as directly as it was when I proofread that manuscript. It had M/F spanking and sex, but it was also chock-full of F/F sex and spanking, F/M spanking, nipple torture, genital whipping, bondage, anal penetration, you name it. Something for everyone. And it fascinated me as I observed my own reactions to what I was reading. The M/F spanking and sex made me smile and squirm with familiarity and pleasure. The rest? Nothing. In fact, some sections made me groan and think, "Oh, no." But then my professional side would take over and I'd read it, correct the errors, and suggest edits.
Sometimes, I feel like I am the only spanko female in existence who isn't in the least bit bisexual, bi-curious, or into any sort of spanking play, even non-sexual, with other women. It simply doesn't compute. A good friend teasingly refers to me as the most "relentlessly heterosexual woman" she knows. The thought of a woman spanking me makes me cringe. And, although I adore my gal pals and feel great affection for them, I don't want to get kissy and touchy-feely with them. I am not Katy Perry; I have never kissed a girl, nor have I had any sort of sexual exchange with a girl, not even touching. And the lack of curiosity or desire on my part sometimes seems like a square peg in the roundness and softness of F/F exploration and play.
In other words, vanilla.
Sometimes, I also feel like the only spanko in existence who isn't at least somewhat anal erotic. Granted, I know others before me have declared that orifice to be "exit only," so I guess I'm not the only one who doesn't want plugs and strap-ons and other hard objects going in there. However, I don't even find the surrounding area in the least bit sexy or arousing. I want it left alone and ignored. I don't want my cheeks pulled apart, I don't want even the gentlest of fingers slipping into the cleft.
As with everything, I was a late bloomer with rimming; I didn't experience it until I was in my late 30s. And the first time it happened, it was completely unexpected; the man just went there, and my first reaction was complete shock. What the hell is he DOING? And the reaction after that was not of pleasure, but of mortification. I observe good hygiene, but all I could think was oh my god, am I clean? I experienced it a few more times after that, but never enjoyed it. I couldn't understand the desire; it didn't resonate in my sexual brain. Just a couple of inches away was a warm, wet, welcoming opening; what did he want to go there for? I know the anal aficionados will nay-say this, but I don't think that area is very attractive. So once again, I feel a bit out of step with many other spankos.
In other words, vanilla.
Spankos I know often tend to enjoy other kinks, other types of pain. Various methods of impact and torture have been inflicted upon breasts, genitals, backs and fronts of thighs, and feet, as well as bottoms. I see some of the bruises and welts and cuts on FetLife pictures and I shudder, all the while feeling bad because I know I'm not supposed to judge. People like what they like and they are entitled to engage in it if it's consensual. But I can't help my own reactions. The one and only time someone struck my feet, I was so angry, I wanted to kick backward and drive his nose out the back of his skull. If strikes from an implement during spanking wander too high, too low or in between, I am jerked out of scene space in less than a heartbeat's time. I'm terrified of blood and broken skin. Recently, the lovely Beth posted about an interrogation scene in which she was slapped in the face. Yes, I knew that was consensual. Yes, I know she likes all kinds of pain. But still, I felt a flash of anger. I commented to her that, although I respected her desire for that type of scene, I still couldn't help the visceral urge to confront the man who had slapped her sweet face and castrate him with a butter knife. Fortunately, she took it in the spirit it was meant and didn't chide me for it. :-)
OK, so I like some bondage and restraint. I like the exhibitionism, the roleplay of the bad girl, the grabbing of hair. I prefer poly play over monogamy. But overall, I dislike way more variations of kink than I like.
In other words, when it comes to kink flavors, I am more vanilla with a bit of chocolate swirl, or perhaps a few sprinkles, than I am 31 Flavors.
People talk about sex a whole lot on FetLife. And of course, as with the spanking topics, the same sexual topics come up over and over, including favorite sex positions. To read some of these threads, it sounds like kinky folks are the freaking Cirque Du Soleil of sexual acrobatics. Up against walls, suspended, reverse cowgirl, wheelbarrows, you name it. If the body is capable of contorting in any fashion, it's been done.
So what's my favorite sexual position?
Yup. Missionary.
Yes, I've tried a lot of other positions. Some were interesting, some were fun. Most were uncomfortable. Why do I love missionary? Because I love intimacy. I love being able to look into the man's eyes, wrap my arms and legs around him, feel our bodies merge. I love feeling his weight on me. I don't like being on top; I don't want the control. I know some other positions may be considered a lot hotter and more exciting, but I'm old school. I love closeness and intimacy with my sex. If I just wanted to get off, I have a BOB for that.
So yeah, not a whole lot of sexual position variety there. In other words, vanilla.
But, despite my feeling comparatively conservative in the face of so many kinks, I have to look at the flip side, at the relativity. To those who have never wandered into any sort of kink, my proclivities and adventures are downright twisted and risqué. Go figure.
I don't really know where I'm going with this ramble. If I were younger and newer to the scene, my thoughts would probably be along the lines of "I need to experiment and find other things I like." But I've been there and done that. Once again, it's time for self-acceptance. I am not a multi-tasker. I've never been one with myriad interests. But the interests I do have, I give 110%.
OK, so I'll never be able to write a really compelling book about fetish erotica, because it would be far too focused on one thing. But perhaps that one thing, and that one thing alone, appeals to a lot of people more than I think.
Anyone out there want to chime in on this? How kinky do you think you are; do your interests satisfy you, or do you want to experiment with more? Do you ever wonder why what appeals to you doesn't to others, and vice versa? Do you ever wonder what's the difference between narrow-minded and simply particular?